Born Up, Bound Up
65 Hamilton Ave | Day 1 Diaper Days | Shane Graham
Imagine a kid, in a diaper, running outside of his to eventually get to his neighbors house where he meets another baby with a diaper on. I can’t remember it from a first person point of view, however, that is the story my parents told me. That little kid who ran outside with a diaper on was me and that other kid with a diaper on was my neighbor Shane Graham. From that moment on, we established a bond in which we call friendship. In Ne Jersey, especially in my neighborhood, we called it Day 1s. It means what it says: a friend from day 1 of being alive on earth. Yes, it’s an exaggeration, but it’s exaggeration is close to true - especially for me.Why that baby diaper event is so significant for me is because at such a young age, I met my first friend. I established my first friendship of many that would come in this lifetime. Life is about relationships and that first one was special l. Shane became a best friend of mine for 2 decades. We don’t talk as frequently nowadays, but we always keep in touch. Birthdays, holidays, etc.When you grow older, your values help establish your adventures and endeavors and those same things bring relationships into your life. Shane and I did our own thing from 17 onwards. The beautiful thing about a Day 1 though is that they’ll be in your life for as long as you’re both alive. It’s an unbreakable bond with memories that can’t be taken away. Hence, me telling this story from the first time I met Shane Graham, my frst ever friend, my first ever best friend, my first ever Day 1.Now that’s significant.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
It was actually Shane Graham's birthday recently. On October 14th. Texting him, and any Day 1 friends from my neighborhood, makes me think of the younger years.He opened up more than usually with me - only because I asked more questions. In that light, it's amazing to see where he is at in life and where his mindset and skillset are at. Most importantly, where his soul is at.Such an experience of running into Shane in my diaper as a young baby, showed me the value of relationships in this life. Now, 23 years later, I am texting him about bigger life decisions and tasks. There is still such value in our relationship even if we aren't playing together everyday and living right next to each other.To have a friend all through life is a special thing. That is something of DEEP value. Never forget that.
Namesake
I was always curious as to why my father named me after himself. Why didn’t he name my oldest brother after himself? Why didn’t he name his other child that came after the oldest after himself? Justin, Zach, Anthony, Nick?Yes, I am a servant of God and citizen of the Kingdom of God, yet while I live on this earth my name means something and has the ability to continue a legacy, a line, a lineage, of those before me. I want to do my best to uphold my name through my actions, meaning, everything I do is a reflection of myself and will help or hinder my reputation depending on way I do. So, it’s important to carry it correctly. It has a weight to it. I’m a special child of God. There is a reason my Father named me after himself and I was his namesake. That means something. There is a reason that once I came out of my mother, that she and my dad looked at me and just knew…. this is the one we’ll name Anthony.Once I learned that I was the namesake for that reason early on in my questioning of life, there came an honor and responsibility and love to that. I want to remember those three pillared virtrues and doing right by my family and God everytime I hear the word “namesake”.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
As I've grown older, it has begun to dawn on me the significance of my own name. That "III" is so important. In realizing such a thing more and more, I wanted to know why my father saved choosing such a name for his third son (me), instead of naming his first (Justin), second (Zach), or fourth (Nick) son as his namesake.When I got around to asking him such a question, he put it simply that he just knew I was the one.It was definitely a Divine thing.This experience in life has taught me of the importance of being thoughtful and intentional with one's actions. Not to misstep is a great attribute. This experience taught me of the delicacy of parenting and the absolute importance of it too. God endows us with such a responsibility - if we come around to having children in this world - and we must'nt take it lightly!My father is a great father.
Sports and Play as a Teacher
Since the earliest of days, backyard sports and sports in general, were a staple to my life. I was integrated into the sports arenas through my family. My grandfather and his relatives played sports. My dad was an all-star in all ages up until he stopped at the end of his college career. Then, my brothers did their thing and paved the way. My immediate family loved playing sports in the backyard, in recreation, and in competitive fields as life progressed.It was no different for me and you can even say that each new brother born was better than the one above them because the youngest then had all other brothers above them to teach them a thing or dozen. Haha. It also caused us to be competitive, which taught me how to be strong, how to work together, and how to handle my emotions.Being where I'm at in life now, I would want my own kid to learn from God and Scripture, and then learn from sports. But I truly go against anyone that says sports are a bad thing. I disagree because I biasly know it taught me plenty in life. Without seeing others as idols and making sports the sun of my universe, sports taught me great life lessons in and of itself. As I'll explain in later chapters, it was an instrument for God to work through me and my family to teach me things (i.e. brothers, Mom, Dad, Pop-Pop). I will forever be grateful for that.Oh, and I can't forget the backyard sports and play with my close friends when growing up. That taught me how to remain controlled, how to have fun, and socialized me into the world. It was a great form of bonding with such backyard sports - developing skills in both mind and body.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
A mini-environment to what will happen at a larger scale. Sports and play was exactly that. It taught me the needed characteristics to develop into the person that I wanted to be and God needs me to be. It integrated me into the social groups of the world and taught me the way of interacting with others.Sports are a mini-field on how to chase a dream. Play is a mini-field on making my way through the social scene. You learn so many different things when in both arenas of sports and play. There is no template to it, but there is a guarantee that inevitable things regarding life lessons will be drilled into one's mind.From personally, to team, and more, I navigated my way with others. This taught me how relationships work, social dynamics work, and more.
The Neighborhood | Day 1's
As I spoke of in partiality above in regard to the experience titled "Sports and Play as a Teacher", my friends were a big part of my upbringing. We did so much together, from backyard sports, playing in the pool, video games, sleepovers, school, adventuring, and more. In those events, we learned so much about life from our interactions together around those things.My Day 1's were as much in my life at that early point in my life as my family was. It's as the quote goes of, "Friends are the family you choose."Within that domain was the neighborhood that confined us and brought us up. We did everything in that little neighborhood when we weren't adventuring outside of it. How that neighborhood interacted (and the good and bad of it), was a small understanding and practice run of how the world works at large.I live by the quote "what you do when you're small is amplified when you're big." I saw sports in high school as a blueprint in chasing a dream. I saw my large neighborhood as a blueprint in living life and what to avoid and what to nurture. What a blessing to be brought up in 65 Hamilton Ave in that neighbor. A privileged white boy with a middle-class family with such greatness as a family in good external conditions and many down times in my household as well - all of which taught me all I needed to know about certain things (besides everything and the most important thing of the Bible teaching me everything as well for this worldly life).
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Being around people growing up, that I still talk with to this day, is pretty amazing. Such a thing has taught me about the importance of life-long relationships. I spent so much time with my friends growing up - especially in the summers and winter days (when we had off of school). Spending time with strangers that became friends that became best friends showed me many things with social dynamics, trust, communication, love, and friendships in general.From my friends, I learned the necessary things required for a great life-long friendship. From them, I learned that every family is different and that with that, every individual is different because of their upbringing. This fact gave me understanding, empathy, and more.
Doing Bad | Night of the Balloon Bandits
This event had such an impact on me that I even wrote a speech about it to practice it in the Toastmaster's Club in college.Here's how it went down.....When you're young, whether a perfect angel kid or a mischievous kid, you're bound to do some rowdy things with friends. Or maybe that's not the norm. Maybe I just grew up with friends that decided to do something more than ding-dong-ditch houses once and a while.So, that leads into my story and description of what I label the night of balloon bandits. It was one day when we were bored that we enacted on revenge for my friend Mike. See, Mike was on a bike or scooter of some sort one day and supposedly a car was going so fast that it almost hit him one day. The thing was (1) he got the license plate number, (2) got the car number, (3) and knew it was someone in the neighbor across the woods and bridge from ours.So, the day the balloon bandits came to be who they were for that night, we knew where to go. The name is what it is because we got balloons and went around neighbors this one night to throw balloons at roofs of houses.Long story short, it was one night, dark as ever, that we ducked into the darkness and began our mission. Mischievous and fun. We didn't know it was really that bad what we were doing. We were young kids. When doing what we we're doing, we weren't intentionally seeking out the house of the person that almost ran over my friend Mike with their car, however, we spotted the house of that person in the night. Well, Mike did. Of course he did.So, after launching balloons at houses all night and running away, we had a few left. Mike was out for this woman. He wanted vengeance. So, instead of throwing balloons from the street to the house, Mike went to the front door, threw the balloon with all his might, and the glass door broke. We froze all at once out of shock. Then, we were out.We sprinted as fast as possible back to Christian's backyard - where we started the night. We just knew to run back there. We ran sooo fast. We didn't talk. We just ran and had some nervous jiggles along the way of crossing the bridge back to our neighborhood. Silent, laughing, terrified. Cops were even called. We made out okay though. Safe and memorable and reflecting on what happened in the backyard of Christian's house.It was my first REAL BAD behavior in the open that I was ever a part in plotting in doing and actually executing. It was the first bad as a young kid in which I wasn't caught too. A dangerous thing. But thankfully, it was never repeated again and never spoke of again by the friend group. Whewww. A lesson learned and an experience had. That moment taught me lots and I'm glad I experienced it at that age because I would never do such an equivalently bad thing again - not literally throwing balloons at houses, but something as equally as bad.As JBP says in one of his 12 rules for life, "Never interrupt kids playing in the skatepark." With us and this, we could've been haha.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
This event had such an impact on me that I even wrote a speech about it to practice it in the Toastmaster's Club in college. I even told it to my friend Daniel yesterday. How funny and how timely that all these writings happen in sync with things I'm going through in life at this exact moment...When you're young, whether a perfect angel kid or a mischievous kid, you're bound to do some rowdy things with friends. Or maybe that's not the norm. Maybe I just grew up with friends that decided to do something more than ding-dong-ditch houses once and a while.So, that leads into my description of what I label the night of balloon bandits. It was one day when we were bored that we enacted on revenge for my friend Mike. See, Mike was on a bike or scooter of some sort one day and supposedly a car was going so fast that it almost hit him. The thing was (1) he got the license plate number, (2) got the car color, (3) and knew it was someone in the neighbor across the woods and bridge from our neighborhood.So, the day the balloon bandits came to be who they were for that night, we knew where to go. The name is what it is because we got balloons and went around neighbors this one night to throw balloons at roofs of houses.Long story short, it was one night, dark as ever, that we ducked into the darkness and began our mission. Mischievous and fun. We didn't know it was really that bad what we were doing. We were young kids. When doing what we we're doing, we weren't intentionally seeking out the house of the person that almost ran over my friend Mike with their car, however, we spotted the house of that person in the night. Well, Mike did.Of course he did.So, after launching balloons at houses all night and running away, we had a few left. Mike was out for this woman. He wanted vengeance. So, instead of throwing balloons from the street to the house, Mike went to the front door, threw the balloon with all his might, and the glass door broke. We froze all at once out of shock. Then, we were out.We sprinted as fast as possible back to Christian's backyard - where we started the night. We just knew to run back there. We ran sooo fast. We didn't talk. We just ran and had some nervous jiggles along the way of crossing the bridge back to our neighborhood. Silent, laughing, terrified. Cops were even called. We made out okay though. Safe and memorable and reflecting on what happened in the backyard of Christian's house.It was my first REAL BAD behavior in the open that I was ever a part in plotting in doing and actually executing. It was the first bad as a young kid in which I wasn't caught too. A dangerous thing. But thankfully, it was never repeated again and never spoke of again by the friend group. Whewww. A lesson learned and an experience had. That moment taught me lots and I'm glad I experienced it at that age because I would never do such an equivalently bad thing again - not literally throwing balloons at houses, but something as equally as bad.
What Happens Behind Closed Doors
There were two times in my life that I was scared in my own home at 65 Hamilton Ave: (1) when I was a little boy (I forget the age) and my mom was washing me in the bathtub (probably young enough to the point of not being able to wash myself haha - that age range) and we heard something in the garage. So, my mom called the cops and we went to my neighbors house and friends house Shane for protection. It ended up just being an animal in our garage that was making weird noises and since my dad wasn't home at the time, my mom was scared more than ever.... AND (2) when my mom and dad fought once and then a restraining order was put on my mom by my dad for 2 weeks (my mom stayed at her brothers house, mu uncle, for those 2 weeks).It's not if anything happens behind the closed doors of a families house (or home - if a family can label it that because it feels that way for all, which we did growing up :)), rather what happens behind closed doors? Everyone has something going on. Everyone has bad and good that others don't see. Mostly the bad. So, for my family, we had it and experienced it too and I'll never forget those moments.As my Day 1 friend Nick Akshar said to me once, "You never know what happens behind closed doors." That was in reference to us never knowing what happens within families households in the dark of the night or when things aren't public to others. You never know!And not just behind doors - meaning households. But doors within those doors. So, people's individual rooms. A kid's room is like their sanctum growing up. So much happens in there. Good and bad. Reading, learning, games, play, friends, and other things like sex, porn, masturbation, addiction to shows and games, and more.I learned a lot from the bad of my own and from the good. I progressed well with the good. I read and learned a lot on my own. I loved it. I also had a window I would look out of in my house all the way through to seeing the end of Hamilton Ave. And the bad set me back man. The porn is the worst thing for a man. When I discovered it, I was addicted. But since 2020, it's been a year and 6 months plus since watching porn and a year since masturbating (I know the estimations because it's been such a significant detachment for me - so why shouldn't I know the date of getting rid of such a thing!)You never know what happens behind closed doors. No one's going to save you besides Jesus Christ. And if one's beliefs don't reflect that mindset, than all the best and prayers for them. Parents can't save a child from their own demons and bad behavior as much as they think they can. Yes, parents and brothers/sisters can teach and cultivate certain things within them due to teaching and environment itself, but not much can be done on the internal in a deep manner. As much as my parents, brothers, and grandparents impacted me, and I'm lucky because of my upbringing, but only Jesus can do the rest.You never know what happens behind closed doors, but God does!
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
The little boy who always smiled, well he was getting beat by his parents.The man who made everyone smile, well he shot himself and thus committed what we call suicide.The family who seemed like their entire house was in order, actually had an adulterous mother, a drunkered father, and kids who fell away from the faith.On the outside, everything seems right in life. But behind closed doors, there is unseen acts that only God can be the witness of.This is a hard thing to grasp because outsiders can't control anything. People develop much of their lives from the unseen things behind closed doors - for the better or for the worse of their development. With that said, it should instill in each one of us some level of compassion and love.I write this as I cry because I got news just yesterday that my older cousin John committed suicide. Why!!!!! Why! Why! Why! Why God. I just want to understand! Clear up the fog in my brain and my frustrated mind so I can understand why it be in your will to let this happen. This could've been stopped by you but it wasn't.Why?From pain, can, when leveraged and channeled correctly, come great progress.I have learned from this experience and the theme of this writing for "What Happens Behind Closed Doors", that everyone is going through something of their own accord, of their own battle of life, of their own subjective dealing. Have mercy on them as the Lord has Mercy on us.
- Analysis of this event
- The effects of this event
This experience came about just as any another experience does in any other household: the accumulation of small happenings that lead to big occurrences. Behind closed doors, people are working through their own problems with themselves or members in their household that no other person outside of that atom of a household could. This is home it is in modern times. A place of living (like an apartment) is for oneself. A home is a home for a family. With my family, we lived in a house together on 65 Hamilton Ave for 20+ years.Everything in the household was great! There were so many moments of happiness. So much maturity happened under one roof. Also, there was a fair share of pride, anger, hate, that members of the family expressed towards each other.Some anger-filled discussions with my parents in particular went unaddressed or were simply not broken down enough for many years. The discussions were injected with so much anger and frustration because of my parents own poor habits (like my mom with alcohol at one point or my mom and dads's bad financial habits), non-acceptance and rejection of their situation in life, poor communication that led to more frustration the next time they conversed, or sinful acts that caused distressed among their marriage.Now listen, my parents were and are incredible parents. My brothers and I were privileged with much in life and made grateful for it. My brothers and me had the correct molding of our character from our parents. Yet, no one is perfect. Anyone who idolizes their parents are disgracing God and doing themselves a disservice (parents don't last forever. No one does).So, with imperfect people, thus imperfect parents, my parents had a few experiences in particular that caused major tension in the household.I long-windedly say all of what I am saying because that is what happens behind closed doors. Out in public, usually all is well with families, yet when it comes to being behind closed doors, there is so much hidden by one individual or about an entire family.The certain experiences that caused tension and dismay in my household for my family growing up on 65 Hamilton Ave were negative and hurt people in the short-term. However, in the long-term, thanks to commitment and persevering through issues through compromise, communication, love, and trust, those same experiences were turned from weaknesses to strengths.In these experiences, I did more observing than anything since much of these extremely hard, painful experiences amongst my family (mostly my parents) growing up happened when I was too young to intervene effectively. I could've done more, but it was up to my parents to work out. As I grew older, I matured to be able to intervene effectively.I am grateful for such experiences that I wrote about before and that only select people know about (those behind the closed doors: my brothers, mom, dad and sometimes pop-pop). I would like more to know one day and learn from my experiences.
The experiences behind closed doors (especially a few in particular) showed me that I can't trust everyone, even the closest ones to me sometimes, but at the same time, those that I open my heart towards and open theirs towards me, I am willing to love and trust them with the possibility, always, of being betrayed by them. I learned the importance of love and commitment through my parents. I am grateful to have been raised up and by the family I was given by God.I learned that it is important who one is around and what encompasses one's activities in the household. Lifestyle and environment. It influences one to a high degree.When talking about this experience and how it effected my hopes for the future, I learned what's important in life. I learned how critical family is, marriage is, and my communication and honesty is the roots to the tree of a family. From what went wrong and what went right, I learned what I needed to by God through my family. I am grateful for such perspective.It must be emphasized too, that without my father, my view on marriage and family would be totally different right now. For that, I am grateful beyond words can express and measure can define. My father held my core family together. By God's Grace and Strength, we are here, stronger than ever, together - even if we are far apart at times too.Lastly, these experience(s) behind closed doors, made me empathize with others and their unique family situations because I know that something always happens behind closed doors for someone. Things indescribable and things that effect the children of the parents, and even the parents themselves, in a great and awful way. On top of that, I gained more love for my parents because marriage is not easy, yet they worked through what they needed to. My dad patched a past generational trauma by doing right what his parents didn't.I was influenced by my parents upon growing up, and I still learn from them all the time to this day... as well as my brothers. All the experiences I went through leveled up my skills and mind and character as I progressed in age. Many situations were beyond my control when I was younger. But as I grew older and similar situations occurred that were problematic, I learned how to remain calm, listen to all involved, address the situation at hand with the info I was presented, and be present. It was like a mini practice run on how to deal with highly tense situations in an effective, positive manner (through how I and others handled them good and poor).As I type this, I think about the altercation with my pop-pop / mom when I was younger and my dad wasn't home one evening. I went back and forth in listening to both sides in different rooms. I got all the information I needed. I listened to both but talked to them differently because they needed to be talked differently to. Then, I brought them together and binded the issue while still allowing them to talk amongst themselves. Love isn't easy ;)
Sucked Into the World | My First Kiss | Normal White Life
The Impact of Digital Media On Me
My experience in growing up with media is no different than the person who was a kid and was the same age as me at the time. He/she had a magazine last generation. Then, the generation before that was black / white photos, Then, the generations before that was another form of media.I say that because I didn't uniquely experience what I'm about to bring up due to media converting into being digitized. No, rather, all experienced it and I was just another one of those. I take ownership for all effects of my media usage at a young age (good and bad) and blame no one else. It was my own doing. Whether it be because I had access to it or not. It's still my own doing even though I did have access to digital media (TV's, video games, flip phone, then iPad, then iPhone, then MacBook).Growing up with digital media was incredible. I was still drawn to physical notebooks and hardcover notebooks, even newspapers and magazines (the good ones like WSJ, NYT, Forbes, Inc., and more), however digital media grew unto my life more and more and more, the older I got.Digital media included all the tech and software I mentioned above: TV's, video games, flip phone, then iPad, then iPhone, then MacBook. All bias aside, video games were prominent in my life in a form of socializing with my friends when we would hangout, learning empathy, learning competition, and doing it safely. The TV in my house was always on and I would watch it most mornings during breakfast or most times when I wasn't doing anything else.But when I got digital media for my own private usage, like phones and laptops, that's when the game changed. I became more individualized at times and would spend much time in my room watching videos (i.e. TED talks, YouTube videos, motivational videos, and more). I even took extensive notes when intaking all that information too. As for my phone, I was on social media as a young kid and would talk to other boys and girls. I learned how to interact with the world through that form of communication and medium.I learned great skills. My mindset grew.But this I can biasly say was the bad part: I discovered how to masturbate and what porn was. Friends joked about it with each other in growing up. We would talk about what we would watch. Influence from peers was an underrated, impactful thing. Many in modern society want to talk about the effects of the outside world on kids, however, I believe it's the peer group and friend group that's the most impactful. That's how it was for me. That's how I learned much of what I learned - and now want and need to unlearn certain things. Who you surround yourself with matters.So, as I got access to the bad of the internet that rots the soul to its core, I was latched until I was 20-21 years old. Jesus saved me. God's grace sustained me. I learned. It was a decade long endeavor. But once I initially avoided it because I became conscious of its downsides and how it didn't align with my values, the uprooting occurred.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
If born in another time period, my life would be totally different than it is today. I wouldn't have the small habits that come from technology-driven accessibility. I wouldn't have an innate want for things to come faster because of the pace that one receives them in the modern-age in a first world country.I'm grateful for my access to digital media. It has opened up doors of opportunity for good acts that couldn't happen in any other era. However, it has opened up doors of bad acts like porn, staying up late to finish work because I have tech, wifi, and the internet. Whereas, in the WAY WAY past, people would stop work with the sign because the sun was their light to see whatever it was they were working on. Yes, candles helped. But only for those who had them and when they sufficed.Access, and yes access (what a beautiful gift), has shown me my good and bad habits. It's connected me to many and given me mass info to connect many dots in my head.I've realized, through digital media, people can act differently online than in person. Some are exposed for acting how they are, whereas others for how they aren't. The internet is a magnifying glass. It truly is. I've now, with the "Metaverse" and NFTs starting, understood how people can have different external expressions of their personalities and how people can interact in the real world and world online/digitally.
The Societal Process | Learning Through Doing
You either conform to society when acting within it and succumb to its ways or you learn from society, its game, and how everyone operates, in order to keep what is good and avoid what is not.I had the former in me for a while up until I was unlearning and undoing many of those same things I adopted, and some bad things I should've avoided, and I had the latter too. I'm a professional observer, which is also what they call a writer as a nickname (h/t: David Perrel).Nonetheless, through going to Pre-K school, CCD, elementary school, middle school, high school, playing sports, joining clubs, going to camps, and having friends and family that I interacted with on a daily basis, I saw so much of society and how it worked. I interacted with people in it and saw how others got there way and how others didn't.One thing I committed myself to since I was young, and that my faith holds as a pillar to its foundation, is to never let the world take away my light. I will never let mean, angry, insecure, and fearful people project that onto me and have that influence me to the point of reducing my being of kindness, giving, love, understanding, and more.Yes, I have the bad in me. I have the Devil inside me. I am still capable of doing bad things. But my faith grounds me. Jesus saved me. God's Grace is forever abundant in my life and as Paul says in his letter about and to the Romans in the book of Romans, I am also a slave to God. Anything I do always leads back to Him. Always. So, I am glad I have seen and experienced the dark side of the world and what humans are capable of (I acted out many of those things to my own degree before too) because I know what to not do and to avoid. I know those things are inside but I control them and they don't control me.On that note, and to end it here, it's actually just as important to know WHAT NOT to do as much as it is important to know WHAT to do. Either way, you're going to have to learn how the world works in order to conquer it. You'll be outcast or a part of it. It's important to learn how to learn to be accepted by the little kids in the playground when you're a kid as JBP says; meaning it's important to know how to get along with others or you won't be accepted. That's one point. And I agree. So, interacting in society since young taught me that.But what I have added to that is it's also important to, on top of that, know when to be choose to be intentional outcast from a group because you don't align with what they're doing. It's better to be a lone sheep with God than a goat with the world. Don't gain the entire world to then also lose yourself. Do the opposite. Find that knowing, develop that awareness, because that is what makes you lethally, beautiful as a human being and more importantly a vessel of/for God.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Why do we interact with others?To get along. To ideate and build things. To communicate towards a commonality or difference in order to live better (or worse) - depending on the moral compass of the society at large. To get what one wants. To survive and gather resources.Without other people in this world, I wouldn't learn from trial and error of how to act with others around me. The world will have people until God says not, and with that said, there has been a social hierarchy built in order to live adequately or more than adequately. Through doing, I learned how to navigate the world around me, what is right, what is wrong, where I lie, where I want to go, how to behave with others, how to maintain grouping with others, and when to know when to detach from that because what the group is doing is wrong.The experience of the societal process throughout life has showed me the state of the world and myself. I've had to learn the history of the world and where we are now, adding a balance to my being to know where/when to push boundaries and where/when to not.Life would be easy if it was just me. But that's not God's design. This world has many and is evil. How does one live through it and come out alive. One doesn't. It's through dying and the process towards edification towards Jesus Christ that we realize who we really are - one with Him, by His Grace alone, and nothing else at all.
Parties and Social Gatherings
As it aligns with the above experience, parties and social gatherings taught me a lot about humans and how people strive to fit into social groups with their peers and classmates.As I said above in that explanation of that experience too, there were times when I succumbed to the world in a way but doing what my friends did at times in going to parties or going to social gatherings, just to go. It was my environment. It was what I knew and what was around me. I didn't have that courage and fortitude to stay in or do what I want. My mom would've continued asking me what I was doing all night, which was more annoying than dealing with going out when I didn't want to sometimes - LESSON LEARNED for my parenting when I have my own wife and kids! Love you all the more though mom.So, as I grew older there were fun small gathering for people's birthdays with friends from school and sports. Guys were guys and girls were girls. We mingled during those gatherings too. My house at 65 Hamilton Ave was hot for those things too. We had a backyard with a pool, yard, trampoline, woods, and more. So, I was more so involved in them because I enjoyed those events when I was young and having people come to my house was great. My parents loved having people together at our place, as well.As I grew older and developed with the kids around me in school, many of them were interested in experimenting with drinking alcohol of all the sorts and trying drugs. I wanted to veer away from that as much as possible because I wanted to obey my dad in not doing that activity, but innately, I just knew that deep, deep down it wasn't a good thing to become involved in. So, began learning even more so, how to avoid the suction of the world's desires and vices due to other people's inabilities, insecurities, and desires themselves. I am not judging others at all. Certainly not. I have ridiculed and questioned myself before saying these things, however, it is also a hindsight perspective of knowing better now and knowing what I should have done to make things easier on myself in the long-run.I will give myself a pat on the back though for doing what I was capable of and will give my parents love always for teaching me the right ways. To God ultimately be all the Glory because look where I am now due to his constant, endless, and reckless love in seeking me out. He is my God. His Son, Jesus Christ, is my Savior.One thing to note during this matured gatherings: how girls and guys interacted was fascinating. I noticed how guys would act differently to try to sell themselves or put on a show for girls in appealing to them and attracting them for mating or making out (just like birds do to the opposite gender birds). We were way too young for that though man. Ohh the world and its influence. Culture is a vice if you let it be man. Nonetheless, observing such things taught me plenty. I am grateful for those interactions. Very much so!I forgive. I must. I am grateful. I must be.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
This experience showed me what not to participate in and what NOT to do. I wasn't someone who enjoyed the partying scene upon the teenage and young adult years of my life. I simply didn't enjoy it and found more value in other things.Social gathering taught me how to make myself within a group and communicate with others. But as for parties, that's completely different. Parties showed me how much I enjoy staying the same and not appeasing and appealing to others - something I should keep top of mind as reference whenever I try to appease or appeal to others in any way.Parties expose people for who they truly are. If one succumbs to pressure and does what others say to do. If one has a weak backbone and a rotted moral compass. If one masks their problems under attention seeking, drinking, drugs, sex, and more. If one is sex opposite hungry (a.k.a if one man/woman wants to have sexual activity with the other sex all the time).I saw the great in people and corrupt in people. Many woman, even, on the verge of being taken advantage of because of their inability to control themselves due to a deep intoxication.I saw what not to do. Which in life, serves as great, or an even greater purpose, than plainly knowing what to do.
My First Physical Fight With my Brother
I love my brother Zach (full name Zachary). He is my older brother and the second of four brothers born in the family. I learn so much from him. I also go head to head with him sometimes. It's funny overall and insightful on my end because it teaches me a thing or two.This story from when we were younger is pretty solid in my memory though.I forget the age, but we were real young. Zach and me were on the trampoline and some of Zach's friends were in the yard and/or watching us from the ground level near the trampoline. Something happened where he got mad and I got mad at him. He ended up punching me in the side of the face and it slightly hurt. I tried to retaliate but it was unsuccessful in causing Zach any hurt. So, the thing I innately did was get off the trampoline, put my shoes on, and run away while crying. I literally ran away. Yes.I found a spot that was extremely close to our house, whereas it was a bridge in the woods. I hid under the bottom of the bridge trapped between its ending and the stream.I hid there crying for a while until I had to stop in order to become silent due to Zach, his friends, and my mom, searching for me. They passed over the bridge and belted out my name from the bottom of their throat. I stayed silent. I wanted Zach to feel the misery in some way just as I felt the pain through him punching me. So, that was my revenge. Multiple hours surpassed and I felt that at that point, I was causing a nuisance more than anything. It's funny how at first it was serious, but as my hiding went on, it just became annoying to others (and maybe nervously it was annoying to them. I don't know).In realizing that and being a self-aware kid, I came out from the woods under the bridge and did so by Zach's friend on purpose. He notified everyone else that I was here and everything was okay. My mom stopped worrying and everything was good. I believe Zach eventually apologized.That was my first fight and it was with my brother. I ended up having a small bruise near my eye from such a punch. Zach got me good. Like I said above though, Zach teaches me something through everything. So, I learned to never act like he did with his impulsive action due to rage and anger leading the way and well.... running away and hiding was funny. I felt like I was in the chapter of fiction novel. Haha.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
This story from when we were younger is pretty solid in my memory though.I forget the age, but we were real young. Zach and me were on the trampoline and some of Zach's friends were in the yard and/or watching us from the ground level near the trampoline. Something happened where he got mad and I got mad at him. He ended up punching me in the side of the face and it slightly hurt. I tried to retaliate but it was unsuccessful in causing Zach any hurt. So, the thing I innately did was get off the trampoline, put my shoes on, and run away while crying. I literally ran away. Yes.I found a spot that was extremely close to our house, whereas it was a bridge in the woods. I hid under the bottom of the bridge trapped between its ending and the stream.I hid there crying for a while until I had to stop in order to become silent due to Zach, his friends, and my mom, searching for me. They passed over the bridge and belted out my name from the bottom of their throat. I stayed silent. I wanted Zach to feel the misery in some way just as I felt the pain through him punching me. So, that was my revenge. Multiple hours surpassed and I felt that at that point, I was causing a nuisance more than anything. It's funny how at first it was serious, but as my hiding went on, it just became annoying to others (and maybe nervously it was annoying to them. I don't know).In realizing that and being a self-aware kid, I came out from the woods under the bridge and did so by Zach's friend on purpose. He notified everyone else that I was here and everything was okay. My mom stopped worrying and everything was good. I believe Zach eventually apologized.That was my first fight and it was with my brother. I ended up having a small bruise near my eye from such a punch. Zach got me good. Like I said above though, Zach teaches me something through everything.So, I learned to never act like he did with his impulsive action due to rage and anger leading the way and well.... running away and hiding was funny. I felt like I was in the chapter of fiction novel. Haha.I can also tack onto that, in which I learned the beauty of competition and bettering oneself through such brotherly like actions. Brothers and sister do such a thing when growing up. Maybe not physical fights. But mental ones. And one's in which the older wants to establish a dominance hierarchy to the lower sibling by remaining psychologically above them.
- Analysis of this event
- The effects of this event
This experience came about when my brother Zach and I were playing on the trampoline. We we're young kids and it was a summer day. Our friends were over our house at 65 Hamilton Ave. We had decided to all take turns playing 1 on 1 basketball on the trampoline since we had hoops on each side of it.Keep in mind, Zach and I will get competitive when it requires so, especially with sports. So, with him and I playing against each other, it was like a gladiator ring.It got extremely competitive from the start. We were going back and forth and would do whatever it took to score. I wasn't letting down and neither was Zach. However, it got so heated at one point that Zach and I didn't contain our frustration and started pushing each other. It eventually led to wrestling. Then, ended with a final big punch by Zach's fist to my face.I didn't know how to react in that moment. I had never been punched before. So, in shock and panic, I started crying and my first instinct was to get away from everyone. I immediately bolted and said to myself, I am running away. I ran towards the park/wilderness near my house and didn't come out for a while. It wasn't until it got later into the day, where my mom, friends, and Zach's friends took my running away as serious. They knew what was going on. The thing is I wasn't that much of a rebel and that naive to run far away over a small fight with my brother. I was hiding under the bridge that goes over the stream near my house and I stayed under there even after many people passed over it trying to look for me. They called out my name and didn't stop. I eventually gave in and felt bad (because a little piece inside of me just wanted the attention too - probably because I was so embarrassed from being hit that I wanted control and power back in some way) and came out from hiding.All of this experience was mostly negative at the time of my being young. But as I'll say for all these reflections in this section, it was positive because it changed or grew me. Hey, I'm still thinking about it to this day, so a lesson must be learned from it or it was impactful enough to stick with me for this long.In hindsight, I was both hurt by my brother and the friends who laughed at me after getting punched, but helped by them afterward. My brother apologized after I came home from hiding too. My mom is the biggest helper too - embodying that of the shepherd going out to find her one lost sheep no matter what.Listen, I could've punched Zach back during this experience, but I never had that nature inside me. Defending myself is something I learn - both physical and mental.My understanding was limited and I handled the situation with much ego, but I'm better now and strength in God and maturity allows me to stand my ground at all times against any opposition that causes evil or opposes good/truth.A physical fight is always a helpful opportunity, if taught well about it, for a young one to learn an important lesson too ;)
This experience taught me about the nature all of us have inside. At any moment, we could snap and hurt someone. Now is it best to let out such emotions through physical fighting and outward rage? In my opinion, no. That is not a great outlet, way to express one's emotions, or tame oneself. I also learned about other people that inside of us, given to us by God, is this absolute moral good in which we truly care for others and don't want others hurt.As I wrote before, part of the reason I ran away was because a little piece inside of me just wanted the attention. I can incline it was probably because I was so embarrassed from being hit that I wanted control and power back in some way. What a little kid way of dealing with a fight haha. Yet, many adults act the same way. Modern adult children that haven't grown up mentally, emotionally, or spiritually haha.All of this experience was positive and continues to teach me things as a I grow older. It helps with my character, understanding who I was back then with my personality and responses to events, and understanding children more.I was once a child too. So was everyone. That's important for us all to remember.
Sports as My Life | Lessons | Maturity Through Integration of School
Sports. When you are playing it at a young age, you see it as fun, physically challenging, and similar to life. As you grow older and mature, you realize that the latter of it being "similar to life" is the biggest thing. The way I see sports now and in hindsight of playing within it (and in still observing it today) is that it is a controlled way to gamify the teachings of life. It absolutely is. The coaches who nurture (and sometimes torture haha) the players have the ability to teach them teamwork, hard work, working smart, dedication, discipline, commitment, attention to detail, patience, planning ahead, communication, organization, and more.Sports don't just develop your physical skillset of playing the game or mental understanding of how the game works and how to optimize the success for your team, it also teaches mindset. Mindset is the one major thing we can control and influence in this life and sports is a practice run in how to foster mindset effectively.My father and Pop-Pop played sports when growing up. My brothers did too. My relatives were great too. My extended family to my immediate family were big in sports when growing up and many are still involved in some capacity with sports to this day (i.e. Justin working at the NBA, Sam at the NFL, Scott coaching soccer, etc...). We all taught each other how to play well, respectfully, and how to develop the slow and best way. My dad taught me so much about life through sports. It was another instrument for us to bond over and for him to use as a way to teach me about the approaches to life. It was another language as I see it. Football talk. Basketball talk. If you don't know it when you're hearing others talk about it, you'll seem like you're on another planet. Haha.As sports matured me, being around others in school did too. In hindsight, I hate school, I only think the social interaction and communication with other kids is great. I loved the activities! But the academics were pointless. The way institutional learning teaches it is backwards nowadays. That's why I eventually dropped out while in college. Way better off in my opinion.If I were to sit in a room all day and learn about life, I would be working way harder than is needed and actually be so far from prepared for when I actually go out into the world. So, as I see it (especially with clarity now), school and sports were controlled ways of social interaction, life learning, education, and movement. The intricate details of how each day went formed those exact things. In school, I actually loved being around sports kids and non-sports kids. I liked everyone. I learned how much of a connector and communicator I was from those things. Through different forms of art, drawing, instruments, play, writing, painting, and more, I learned how much of a creator I was to.It all comes full circle!
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Sports taught me so much. A life well-lived because of Christ sacrifice for me. A young adulthood well served through sports to apply the lessons parents were always trying to pass down - and even God was trying to teach each one of His children.I learned the hard work it takes to progress towards a worthy ideal or point of accomplishment in one's mind. Striving towards a mission - just as I would eventually do with business and my own personal goals (a.k.a I do now).I learned to work with others to accomplish something and the minuet things that go into that. O yes. The granular things that make up the whole.I have learned that not everyone is perfect but everyone plays an integral role into something. With sports, I learned this. In school, I learned this. Everyone is unique, and when he/she leans into such a beautiful thing, great things can flourish from the Being of that person.Competition made me better. Love made me learn. Tough love especially. Hard work a given. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Most importantly, I learned patient endurance and to wait for my name to be called at the table (meaning field) when I was ready. Not rushing the process, but showing others I'm ready through my actions - that thus back my words and work.
- Analysis of this event
- The effects of this event
Although I see sports differently now, since I don't care for it as much and I see the idolatry in it the higher up sports goes, I was positively impacted by sports upon growing up. Sports truly had a profound impact on me when it came to high school as well.I was introduced to sports by my father and pop-pop since they played it in their young lives into their young adult lives. Because of the keen influence by them, my brothers played sports and loved it. Each brother loved a different sport than the other (besides Nick (youngest) and Justin (oldest) with basketball).Sports may have brought some physical hurt with it along the way, but I want healthier than ever now and have but only fond and incredibly impactful memories of it to this day.I chose to play sports as long as I wanted to and felt called to. I played certain sports longer than others (like football and basketball longer than baseball.... and baseball longer than I tried wrestling and lacrosse).Sports taught me about sacrifice and more so, obedience, discipline, consistency, and commitment. Sports, as anything, is just a mimic of what God lays out for us in His Love and Commitment for us and to us. With that said, sports required much compromise and I had to prioritize it over many other activities. Through and through, great rewards came and great bonds were made and great memories had because of my commitment to the team sports of football and basketball.Playing sports and having it be my main driver in high school gave me opportunities I would have never had if I hadn't gone the route of going to SJR and playing football and basketball. To be better requires hard work. How hard is one willing to work to be great and to be the best one can be for their team? It depends on what's in their heart, how much they believe in the team, and what vision everyone is headed towards.Gratefully, thanks to my parents and SJR, I was put in the best spot to succeed. I am indebted to them both, more so my parents, for such sacrifice they went through to give me such a pristine opportunity and stick it through with me until the end. I tell you, without them, I would have fell short on finishing at SJR and accomplishing what I did there in 4 years.The reality of life is beautiful because it forces one to be present and it forces one to move at the pace of reality, unless one wants to sacrifice that willful effort and rushing. I was halted many times by God in my journey through sports and at SJR. It's amazing that He used such an outlet to show me my flows, the importance of being dependent upon Him, and how the long-road to chasing an end dream occurs.All of this experience was beneficial and rewarding. Look what it got me and where I ended up. And most importantly, what I am now able to endure!
This experience increased my trust in people and my hopes for the possibility of great things to occur when one commits and sees it through (if it be in God's Will to do so with a certain experience in their life!).My values were made stronger and my value of life increased astronomically. SJR, and sports as a glue to being there, showed me the importance of bond and family. Of brotherhood. I was shown that together, far more things can happen than if one were to strive for the same effort.My personality became more apparent to me. Especially in my care for other people and my confidence (especially my confidence in my faith at the time). Even teammates of mine who bullied me with their words and tough love, taught me to stand up for myself and also showed me my weakness in myself. I wasn't witty with them and I wasn't willing to go back and forth all the time. I learned how important action is and how constantly showing up can speak more volumes than words ever could. Because who doesn't like someone who is consistent - especially when it comes to orienting oneself with others to achieve a set vision together?
Dating, Kissing, 3rd Base
This is the age in which I got to the point of sensual and sexual interaction with the opposite gender of my species. But I don't want to write it like I'm an animal haha. This is when I started making out with girls and I got my first hit to third base with the girl I actually first kissed for the first time ever. Sam Zaffino. Then, came the RV moment.What I thought was a fun stage, was way out of the lane of what I should have been doing at that age man. Nonetheless, I won't get into impacts from this event because this is just meant for descriptions of the event.Whether it be right or wrong based on one's value framework that kissing at the teenage age is good or not, I did it. That's it. This is when guys started dating girls and girls started dating guys. And jokes were made about the other sex all the time. It's like teenage with this built up testosterone must let it out in one way or another. Just sports can only do so much. So, my guy friends loved talking about girls and their external attractiveness.It was the age of social integration of the other sex.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
As an adolescent, depending on where one grows up, their view of the world can be warped and filtered to a certain liking based on the way people act around them.This is especially the case when it comes to dating and relationships. How I've come to view it is that those who don't have a solid belief system tend to live in a way of their own making. They do things and say things that are ok, but those actions are past onto younger generations (especially one's children and children's friends). When it comes to God, many who are in the arena that I described above, are simply living in idolatry.I was a tainted kid, in that, I had my perception warped based on the people I was around. There was dating and lots of bases being run (in the way of the sexual metaphor of running bases). One kid dated another and another. Not to say that such a thing isn't ok from a young age, yet it must be done in the correct way in the eyes of God. If people go around having sex and sensual acts with each other all the time, where is the moral compass and self-control in that? What does that achieve if it's not meant for procreation.I have learned where other people's hearts are at from these experiences as a young kid. I have learned where the world is and how much people enjoy hedonistic acts (self-indulgent acts like consuming and masturbating to pornography).The path many follow (in a way outside of how God told us to live) has showed me what path not to follow.
Learning Discipline | Learning Team
The Best Way is Through
My last name, D'Apolito, stands for "free the horses". I don't know the actual interpretation of that yet, but how I see it is that we make change in the D'Apolito family damnit! We aren't perfect but we can make things happen, especially when God is on our side.With that said, I always found, and have learned from others, that the best way is through. The best way is to endure what's present instead of avoiding it. Yes, if one is presented with new information, one can change his/her mind. However, staying committed in one's decision and being dedicated to such a thing is what God intends for us and what majority of the time is correct in its approach!
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
What is the best way to get from an idea to the execution and preferred result of said idea - which is success.Success: the progression realization of a worthy ideal.The best way is discipline and obedience to maintain the path. Persistence and belief when walking with said persistence.See, God teaches us to obey Him and follow His Sovereign Will. We are to maintain a path and not take our own.If we do decide to take our own path, He is a God who will correct all things. If we decide to follow His ways, the prosperous, meaningful living will be worthwhile.I bring all this up because the architect of the universe, God, made all things similar to Him and His meta creations. So, as He has us disciplined in accordance to fulfilling His plans, I learned discipline in my other interests of life, that thus, made me a better person, team player, and all around everything to everyone that I am to them (i.e. brother, cousin, friend, co-worker, son, etc...).Sports and family brings with it discipline. There is responsibility to be had. With that accountability, there is a willingness and duty to show up and be prepared so that all things can move in unison and accordingly. It doesn't mean all plans will go as planned and all things will go perfectly. But if it does, and when there are inevitable obstacles or mistakes, a disciplined chain of people can address such things in the best way possible in order to move forward in the best way possible.
Go the Extra Mile | Work Hard, Work Smart
Sports was an instrument to teach me with, and for my parents as they saw it, so was school. Either way, I was put into situations that required me to put my best foot forward. They required me to uphold the reputation of my family name and to act accordingly in the best service to that.I will relate this to sports because it applies so well. Going the extra mile and working hard was a given for me in sports. My father always told me to finish first in sprints. My grandpa said the same. My family is a group of hard workers. Damn hard workers! So, anything less of that was looked down upon or seen as less than. No, not to say we were demeaned of our self-worth for not performing. That's not the point. But there was one thing we can control. That's our effort and work. So, when that is used poorly or not to its fullest and it shows. That's when someone will be on your tail in the D'Apolito family. Unacceptable. And I agree with that, especially as I age.Because I am so used to going the extra mile, it has sometimes become a fault of mine. But I am aware of it now and learn from it. I'll discuss that more later on though.Let it be known though, that I make my damn presence known. Through hard work, slow growth, humility, and working smart now (a skill I've built up lately).
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Same thing as I put in the previous. It applies here too :) ......"What is the best way to get from an idea to the execution and preferred result of said idea - which is success.Success: the progression realization of a worthy ideal.The best way is discipline and obedience to maintain the path. Persistence and belief when walking with said persistence.See, God teaches us to obey Him and follow His Sovereign Will. We are to maintain a path and not take our own.If we do decide to take our own path, He is a God who will correct all things. If we decide to follow His ways, the prosperous, meaningful living will be worthwhile.I bring all this up because the architect of the universe, God, made all things similar to Him and His meta creations. So, as He has us disciplined in accordance to fulfilling His plans, I learned discipline in my other interests of life, that thus, made me a better person, team player, and all around everything to everyone that I am to them (i.e. brother, cousin, friend, co-worker, son, etc...).Sports and family brings with it discipline. There is responsibility to be had. With that accountability, there is a willingness and duty to show up and be prepared so that all things can move in unison and accordingly. It doesn't mean all plans will go as planned and all things will go perfectly. But if it does, and when there are inevitable obstacles or mistakes, a disciplined chain of people can address such things in the best way possible in order to move forward in the best way possible."
- Analysis of this event
- The effects of this event
This experience came about because it was the reality of what I was going through at the time. The only way was through. All hard work can be positive and impactful, a massive lesson learned, if done for the right reasons.As goes, I had fell short of making the highest level varsity sports team in sports as a junior (more so football and not as much with basketball, although I did play special teams as a junior and got some reps on defense for some games too). It was devastating because I had previously worked so hard to make it as a starter, yet I was cut short because I wasn't good enough.I had worked so hard and done so many things behind the scenes with early morning lifts, staying late after practices to do more work, and considering I had a long drive to school and home each day. But all such things are to never be used as an excuse. They were all my reality and the truth was that I had to endure such things and do such things because that's what I signed up for. A molding of one's character isn't supposed to be a breeze.During this experience, I could've surrender and let go more easily. It would've made it easier to accept the circumstances at hand. It also would have been a sure sign of maturity to endure the reality I was given at the time. I did for the most part when it came to early drives and long practices, to lots of homework and the grind of high school at a private catholic high school. But there were moments when I slipped in my thinking. I wanted to succumb and give in. Both a sure sign of my weakness and my character at the time.To cap it off though, I put my best foot forward. That's all I could do. God saw that. He definitely did.
This strengthened my trust in those who love God and in those who are family (and such good friends of mine that I consider them family). When going through a difficult time or a time that requires much patient endurance and self-control, the true character of one's friends and families will come to light. Are they a part of your life to help you or hurt you? Are they with you or with themselves and nothing else?Working hard cemented what my pop-pop, grandma, mom, dad, and brothers always told me growing up: work hard (and also work smart). Such things can move one leaps and bounds across time. You can make fruit from the ground by toiling in one place, you must work steadily and labor every single day in an effective, smart manner that brings progress and results to the goals at hand.My values grew in this experience of my high school career and showed me how much I am truly capable of enduring with God leading my way. The best don't complain, they just get it done. Look at Jesus Christ - especially the days following up to his crucifixion. Because of this experience, I am more humble and more diligent in my selective efforts of those things I care about. It's not by works that we have eternal life, but the things here on earth worth fighting for require hard work - especially those righteous things and those things that grow one's character morally.
Be the Best | Competition
Competition is defined as follows: "Competition is a rivalry where two or more parties strive for a common goal which cannot be shared: where one's gain is the other's loss."When doing this within the controlled environment of sports upon growing up, it taught me many lessons. Because when it comes to the world, many compete for a shot at the top - if one if striving for such a goal.However, I think bigger and still believe there is enough for everyone in the world because there is not real competition of 1st and 2nd place. Yes, there is best and better.When growing up competition was alive in my household - I had 3 brothers, cousins, a sports family, and more. So, it makes sense. Yet, one thing I am grateful that my parents drilled into my head was upon the subjective happiness I was having with something, as well as, the effort I was putting forth to do my best. When it came to sports, it was about working hard for the most part upon the teachings from my dad and grandpa and brothers.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Not just the best compared to everyone else, but the paradigm of thinking that one should be the best that God needs them to be.The more that happens, the less one will compete and the more one will innately create.
5 is Better Than 1 | 11 is Better Than 1 | 9 is Better Than 1 | Patience
Teamwork. It's a thing that allows you to go outside yourself. The more I live, the more I realize giving is an integral part to it all. Giving is just like love too. Think about God. What a giving God He is. Think about Jesus. Coming to this earth to give us all the greatest thing ever: salvation. He saved us through giving.Since God's creation (us and the world) is a representation of God, we should be giving as he does too. Giving is a way of getting the greatest thing ever: peace and joy.So, when playing sports upon growing up, I learned the importance of selflessness when it came to doing what is best for the team. As you'll see later on when I explain my high school days, I needed to do that again. As you'll see when I explain my most current endeavors, I did it here too.Together (a fist) is better than one (a finger) - as Nelson Mandela was taught and said in his onward living, as well.With such thinking, it causes you to think long-term. It causes patience to be acted out or else egotistical, selfish, angry actions will take place.To end and to bring it round about, as I said when starting, the more I understand this life, the more I know giving is essential. With that is long-term thinking too. When you think long-term, even beyond your own life, whether it be towards your days with God or for those who come next in your lineage, you always act out best. Because now you are living for the interest of others and not just yourself. The responsibility can give way to the opportunity and positive pressure of doing the best possible good.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
This was a sports thing. I learned from a young age that working with a team and having proper cooperation towards a defined goal is such a rewarding experience.It was, and always will be, more about the people than the thing being worked towards itself.To be honest, forget all the 5, 11, and 9.2, even 2, is better than 1. That is why man, due to God's making, was not meant to be left alone. Ever.Along with that, the ability to grow slowly and work towards growing something with others, exemplified patience to me. It showed me what a thing takes and the patience required so that the timing and alignment for God's Will to be done to work out perfectly for Him.
Championships and A Freak Accident
As per the above point, patience got me to a beautiful place in 8th grade. See, for so long, I was playing the same two positions in my last year of football before going to high school: WR and DB. However, some coaches so the faith in me and what I could do at wildcat.So, in 8th grade, all season long, we prepped, and prepped, and prepped, for me being the QB. Not once did we use the wildcat formation all season. I was being selfish in my head and thought once, "Why aren't we using this?" We practice it all the time. Why not?!But little did I know Vinny's dad, Coach DePalma, had something special planned. He never wanted to use it so it wouldn't be revealed to other teams during the season. Thus, no opponent could watch tape and even get a glimpse at what we were doing. It was hidden.Until championship day when we whipped it out a couple times before halftime and then all of it in the 2nd half. Ridgewood was taken by surprise and we converted on all the plays we practiced.We ended up winning the 8th grade championship. What a big thing for little me and my friends!To note, before the game ended, we kicked the ball off to Ridgewood one last time. It was their last chance, so they were going for all the tricks possible to keep the ball alive and in play. Reverses, pitching the ball back, even illegal hits. And what do you know - one of those hits was on me.It knocked me out for a couple seconds and my vision went black as I fell to the floor. I basically got a concussion, but not as severe as I would've thought. I was told to stay on the ground and I got stretcher-ed off by the ER to make my way to the ambulance and then the hospital.All was okay. They did routine checks and I was out of the hospital in about an hour, just in time to go to the dinner and eat with my friends to celebrate our season and championship victory.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Winning a championship within a sport as a young individual is a rewarding thing. It's an endeavor unlike any other.I learned that not only is the journey fun and worthwhile and incredible, but the people it's done with is what matters just as much. Who are you traversing mountainous obstacles with? Who are you defying what you thought was possible with? Who are you becoming better towards God's liking and Will with?Any accident is worth enduring if it's for the mission of something greater than oneself. Most certainly, if it's for the Glory of God.When I made it to the 8th grade championship with my football team, we faced a team that was the best in the league alongside us. They were tough, but we were tougher. We fought and crawled and I unleashed my best performance to date (in a new offensive formation that is).But towards the end of the game, in a last ditch effort by Ridgewood (the opposing team) to return a kickoff with the time clock at zero, I got blindsided by a blocker. Next thing I know, I was on my back with people all around me. My coach told me to stay down even though I wanted to get up. A stretcher was brought in and into the ambulance to the hospital I went.Bing, bang, boom.It was a memory that I learned a ton from and the injury was worth enduring (even though it truthfully didn't hurt as bad as it was described above).All in all, I learned that doing things bigger than oneself, an act of service for the most part, is always the best thing one could do. It's always worthwhile!
It All Fades | The Important Things
All things fade. All the important things stay in memory. At the end of this life, it's to the judgement of God that we go.It's amazing to because as I write about my past through this past authoring exercise, it dawns on me even more so then I already knew before, how insignificant many things are. We make up so much in our head to trick ourselves into thinking what we want. It's not the world that we should combat, although yes we should combat it when things don't align with the values one has, but all the more, it's ourselves that we must be aware of. The ego wants its way. The overthinking mind is at play all day.So, to make a friend to yourself, is a mighty task, but a worthwhile one. Because with such a mindset, one will cherish the important things in life (relationship, God, etc...) and detach from the unimportant (money, checking email all the time, working all the time, overthinking, doubting, fearing, etc...).That's it. Yes, that's it.Some of the things I thought when I was younger, was simply my subjective mind trying to get the win inside. Whereas, objectively, that's not what happened at all. Perception is a vital tool man. Be careful to use it wisely! Ephesians 5:15-17!
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Here I am writing at my desk. In front and above me are several verses: Psalms 22:27-28, Matthew 24:35-36, Revelations 21:6, Revelations 7:9, Isaiah 54:10, and Isaiah 40:8.They all talk about how God will be known throughout the world at the end of days and His Ultimate Plan will come to be.It will fade. Everything on earth. All besides the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God will be the last remaining, as this place is his Creation.The important things are the little things in life that keep one present and grounded.The important things are the bigger picture knowings of how important life is and how amazing it is to have a relationship with God.The busyness of life or the mundane experiences shouldn't excite the blood cells underneath one's skin. It is, and it should be, the beauty that is found in the life-altering experiences or in the small experiences that one takes for granted.The door within the door.Having this mindset, knowing my finiteness, experiencing gratitude in the larger and smaller things of life, are all those that have contributed to my state of Being and the ingraining of such a lesson while here on earth.
Graduation
The Popular One
I don't understand why I was "a popular kid" in middle school. It's such a subjective thing based on cliches and social groups too. The popular kids just know lots of people - usually. Whereas, the popular one's should be the one's with the highest merit because they have the most skill in a certain area and have the mindset that all want to possess.But I guess certain things gave me merit - like being mentality the best of my peers, physically the most fit, and spiritually intact (could've been better but I did a good job with what I was consciously aware of at the time).All the more, there was that 3 years of 6th, 7th, and 8th grade, where I knew everyone because I knew everyone. I grew up with many people in my town and knew the older individuals in my school. It was an access thing at the end of the day. Knowing others gave me access to other groups.However, and most importantly, I didn't like the term popular. I preferred hanging out with those with unique skills and helping the quiet ones. Not only because they are smarter in the long-term, but because I actually liked being alone myself. But I wasn't confident enough to separate myself from the popular ones. Some of my best friends just so happened to be popular, but I loved them for them, not their status.So, it's a lesson to be bold in who I want to be around, but an achievement for never being dragged into acting with my chin up. My parents did right by me. God gave me unique gifts. All thanks to my parents. All thanks even more to God.Because what comes next as a I head into this timeline of my life, high school, is humbling. Popularity matters in the least at SJR.... and I was smiling on the inside because of it :) ;)More to come on that in the explanations over high school titles.... !
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
The most aware and grounded famous people talk about how they wish all individuals can become rich and famous to realize how unimportant such material things are.I experienced a micro-version of that while in elementary and middle school. To be the "popular one" (as was coined) in those early stages in life showed me the oddness of such a thing. Why do people favor one individual? How does one person gain the favor of the masses by simply, being himself (well, by doing just that probably) - being himself?By experiencing such popularity as a young kid, it was a glimpse of what societal frameworks look like. Because, well, how micro environment are with kids, that is how adults eventually act and conduct themselves. There is plenty of truth in children's living. Don't underestimate that.By seeing that what I experienced, happens out into bigger macro societal ways, frightened me, yet also grounded me. Simply for this reason: as much as I subconsciously, and to myself, enjoyed such a popularity... as much as I wanted more of it (without sharing or showing that to others).... as much as it felt like a cool badge to wear.... it truly, even deeper down in my heart, wasn't important to me.I enjoyed conversations with the individual in school who barely talked. I enjoyed working in EPIC with the special needs kids. I enjoyed studying alone and questioning the teacher after school to ease my curiosities about life, how high school would be when I got there, projects we were working on in class at the time, and more.I learned my lesson and my experience showed me that the things people want in their own heart for their own desires are not the way to go. The way people behave and the things that come out of such behaviors, eventually accumulate to being physical manifestations of how the person actually feels deep down in their internal being.That's why I ended up fading away from such a spotlight as I grew older. Because that was the truth inside me and Truth overall. I still received due recognition for major, major accomplishments in my academics, sports, etc... I even got rewards in the form of seeing my family grow or my business grow later on in life.That's it though.And writing this truly helped me understand that deeper now.
The World & God | Lukewarm in Faith - Due to My Upbringing And My Own Doing | Go Through the Motions
What does it mean to go through the motions? What does it mean to to be lukewarm in one's faith or one's beliefs?How I see it: it means that someone doesn't know what they want or don't know enough about the thing itself.... or if they do, they are insecure or fearful to fully lean in.Because it's success that people are afraid of. Not failure. Because in order to get to success, failure is needed.The way I see failure now, is as in, an update or discovery to better understand one's current pursuit. It's like an AI machine learning from its workings to better update its system to perform better. That's us.Why do I say all of this? I was one of those people who was halfway in and halfway in. I didn't fully take the plunge when I detached from God in university days and some times when I was young young. I didn't fully know. But now my understanding and conscious competence is continually growing. So, I am understanding more and more.It's better to go all the way in one direction using all the knowing you currently possess than to move hesitantly in another or even have complete inaction,One thing to note is that I was exposed to many different things growing up and I was getting acclimated to social environments. So, I was learning in real time. With that, I was getting my foundation built continually and continually over time. With such an axis to live now and the fact that I am aiming for an imitation of Jesus in my actions and seeking God to His highest, I have my acclimation down now. I am comfortable, yet seeking discomfort to push my bounds always.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
My testimonial of renewal and reborn-ness to Jesus Christ in the Christian explains much of what the focus ofthis entry is.As it says, "The World & God | Lukewarm in Faith - Due to My Upbringing And My Own Doing | Go Through the Motions"The word lukewarm is to be focused on. I was in the middle with my faith. One foot in and one foot out most of the time in my middle years (15-20).I had the foundation but it was faulty because it was a Roman Catholic one.I had an understanding of church but it wasn't hard food.I knew my family was special, yet did they live by the faith they said they identified with?It was a close but not close-enough type thing.It was only through suffering that my entrance into focusing on God occurred. That's how it is for most people when it comes to suffering. Everyone doesn't "need God" (which I mean by their "wanting"), until they do need God.That's it.My experience showed me that it's never good to go through the motions or act things out. Do it all or don't do it at all. My experience showed me that comfort is an enemy and that suffering for the good of Jesus Christ's sake is a worthwhile journey. We all want meaning in life. We all must suffer too. So, the combination of both innately occurs. My experience showed me to question and to be alert and watchful. Everything one says and does matters.
- Analysis of this event
- The effects of this event
This experience came about from a gradual occurence of my own doing. It is not God who pushes us away from Him, ever, but us who willingly remove ourselves from His presence.The bad in us is always presence. There are those who keep active and act upon having it and there are those who are aware of it, yet have it controlled, and thus focus on the light instead of such darkness, all thanks to God. Our eventual goal should be to have only the Light of God inside us, yet such things come once eternity is entered into to by the mercy of Jesus Christ, in order to be with the Father in Heaven.I have seen, and believe, and as it goes in James 1:14-15, that sin and death is an accumulated action. One decision or action of a desire that is immoral can lead to a sin, which can lead to more sins, which can lead to one becoming comfortable in such sins as though it is a habit, which eventually leads to a quick death for the reason that stems from the root itself - the desire.My going off path from my faith is an incredible story. One in which I detail in my testimony I wrote for my second baptism (the baptism I willingly chose to partake in and that was rooted in Jesus Christ, instead of tradition). It was my going off path, a crutch, a not prioritizing Jesus as the #1 of my life, that He eventually used to be my strength and the very thing that brought me back on path to focusing more on Him, the Word of God (the Bible), and those things that foster the strengthening of my faith.It was a negative action on my end, but a positive experience that God used for good. Being humbled hurts one's ego and perception of self, but what is one striving for? What am I striving for? If one is growing towards God, being humbled is a blessing. But if one is striving towards this world, being humbled by God hurts their ego and they turn away from such lessons. They perceive it in the wrong way, away from God, because their initial focus is on the things outside of what God wants for us, solely fleshly things and worldly matters. It's as though one's aim is what will lead to the area in which they get as a result.See, with my specific experience for these multitude of events, making it one big mega-experience in my life, that of being lukewarm in my faith, I could have done everything differently. It all boils down to simplicity, meaning doing things God's way and in His Will for my life, instead of doing it solely for my own reasons or without consulting God on what to do. Why do more when us humans should do less, so that God can then do more through us, which will actually be the very best for us?! As John 3:30 goes, "He must increase, but we must decrease."I don't blame my upbringing or put much emphasis on that for my foundation being so rigid and unformed, with the faith part of my life that is (the facet of my life in which everything stems from). God allows us to know about Him innately in our hearts. So, going away from that Truth is only by my fault.
This experience caused me to rely on God more and more and more and rely on man less and less and less. With that said, it doesn't mean that I should not ask other people for things that I may need or to not associate myself with humans. No, it means that all paths stem from God and to God and with a priority and focus and ear of listening on / to God, the people that are meant to help on such path, will help in the way they should (who are also directed by God), given to us for our work, thus the overall work of His Will - for the riches and glory of His Son Jesus Christ).Man is sinful. Humans are temporal. Humans are weak. Humans break and things can be unstable. When things are the opposite of such, it is only possible because of the sustainability that God gives them to do such things.This crutch of being lukewarm in my faith for a period of time in my life, is the exact thing that God used to turn me around and to continually, to this day and God Willing going forward from this day, strengthen me and grow me into alignment with the Holy Spirit, a vessel who can receive and be guided by Him, all for His Glory. I am an evolved person through this experience. Through and through. There is not one, or even a couple things in my personality, values, or the value of my own life, that changed because of this. Rather, it was everything that was changed for the better. Everything.When one has Jesus Christ in their heart and a fire for Him, all their life is made better. The Lord works from the inside out in one's life. Because one who has the character of the Spirit of Christ can sustain all things external, hold all blessings given to them, and remain steadfast on the path that is in alignment with God's Will. Amen.
Onto High School
My brothers went to the high school that was a total of 1 minute driving from our house - upon growing up (the 65 Hamilton Ave home). Justin, the oldest, went there and Zach, the next oldest brother, went there. As for me, something felt different. I didn't want to go to Wayne Valley because I felt as though that wasn't the best place for me to mature and grow. I needed a new environment and I needed people around me that were better at me then everything I did, thus it would cause me to grow effectively.So, when someone said I should check out private catholic high schools, I did. I checked out the best one's in NJ and SJR (Saint Joseph Regional) high school had a pull on me. As soon as I shadowed there with an individual named Devon, I knew it was the right fit for me.Sports was my portal to entering there too. Thankfully, I had a summer of workouts, lifting, and football practices or camps that caused me to make friends with everyone on the team. I grew because it was uncomfortable.So, upon entering high school for my first day of freshman year, I already knew about 75+ guys because we were all knowing of each other from the grueling football sessions that we had.The beginning of high school was made easy because of this. I am grateful for such a thing, as I remember being grateful for this entrance when I was a young freshman too. Oh how much harder it would've been. Yet again, I would've figured it out and God would've made way.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
The next big step. Unlike university where some go and others don't, high school is where a majority of kids, who mature into adults (mostly), fall in line to work through that part of the system.My process was a tad different and I was extremely thoughtful in where I wanted to attend school. God gave me a great home for the next 4 years at SJR. The first time I visited Saint Joseph Regional High School, I felt at home and fit right in. It was a little uncomfortable at first because I didn't know anyone, yet over time that faded away.Sports helped integrate me into the school and all my friends became brothers. The best part is that the school had a religious background. It's different from where I'm at now with my faith (Christian and following Jesus, rather than just Catholic), but at the time, it did the job and more. The experiences that came from this place were monumental to my growth. The people who supported me were tremendous. Through the good and bad, it all helped me grow.
The Decision
To get to SJR high school (Saint Joseph Regional), I had to make the decision itself to go there. As I said in the above experience, I narrowed down which private catholic high school I enjoyed most (Don Bosco, Bergen Catholic, SJR, Depaul) by shadowing them. I got a taste of each one and I got to imagine myself there as a student.I still remember the day in which I made my decision. I was in my old home upon growing up of 65 Hamilton Ave. It was late in the evening, so the lights in the house were on. I took a piece of paper from a notebook or the printer (I can't fully recollect which one) and listed out each school - even Wayne Valley. I then made a pro's and con's list that factored in what I loved about each one.After I made the list, I told my parents what was on my mind. I explained to them my favorite school. I remember getting some questioning from my mom and I remember encouragement from my dad. As I can tell now in hindsight, I'm sure they biasly wanted me to go to Wayne Valley or Depaul because it was closer and cheaper. But for some reason, I was stuck on SJR. It had a deep, deep pull on me.I was pretty damn excited and it felt like a high school athlete picking his college to continue his sports career at, only this time it was middle school to high school for me.I name it "The Decision" because it reminds me of LeBron's decision of choosing to play in Miami with the Miami Heat and leave Cleveland where he played on the Cleveland Cavaliers.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
At my table with my parents. One piece of paper. 5 different schools on the list.Don Bosco, Bergen Catholic, Saint Joseph Regional, Depaul Catholic, and Wayne Valley.I knew what I wanted in my heart, yet I went one by one checking them off.Down the list I went as my parents waited to hear my response. I knew what I wanted in my heart.It was an easy decision, but the road ahead wasn't going to be so easy. Attending Saint Joseph Regional, SJR, would be one of the most challenging, important times of my life. Logistically, financially for my parents, mentally and physically and spiritually for me.When I was at the table and made the decision to go to SJR, my parents were happy. My mom asked why I didn't want to go to Depaul or Wayne Valley. Her question wasn't outed of curiosity but rather persuasion. My dad said it would be okay, yet he was probably thinking the same thing in his head: how are we going to afford tuition at this private catholic high school for Anthony.Yet, the Lord provides and my parents and I made it through. Even the days before graduation arrived, it was a close call. I was just able to finish thanks to my dad paying off the tuition left for me. I still remember the school president pulling me aside to talk about the tight squeeze of a situation I was in and if my tuition wasn't paid on time, that I wouldn't graduate. Humbling.This entire decision was humbling and showed me how important it is to be thoughtful with one's decisions. To always follow God with them and that little does one know what lays ahead after such monumental decisions are agreed and executed upon. It requires trust, sacrifice, belief, and love above all else.I'll never forget the process to get to that decision day and the decision day itself (or night since it actually was night time when I made the decision at that dinner table). My parents truly are incredible. I thank the Lord through Jesus Christ for them everyday. What things they went through for my brothers and I. Oh man. It's incredible!
- Analysis of this event
- The effects of this event
This experience came about starting when the seed was planted for me to check out private schools, specifically private Catholic schools. A couple friends who were going such a route hinted it to me, my friends parents asked me if I would be interested in it, but then the most important one of all, for the reason of me taking it more seriously, was my Aunt's pastor. He had said I should check out private Catholic schools, specifically Pop John (which is where near my Aunt Peggie lived and where her sons went and her sons sons would be going). There was bias there haha.There was no way Pope John was of interest to me, however, other schools like Depaul Catholic, Saint Joseph Regional, Bergen Catholic, and Don Bosco Prep were.This was one of the most positive thing to come about in my life up until this point. It would be a move that would catapult my growth and strengthen my character in the years to come. Even going through this decision process in and of itself was incredible.As goes, I went through shadowing at each school with a randomly selected student at said schools. I went to each one and spent a full day there. I got a feel for the environment and atmosphere. Yet, there was one school that just felt right. In my heart, I felt as though God was directing me towards SJR (Saint Joseph Regional). The intimacy of the relationships there and the love that the school contained was the best of of them all (even the public schools, like Wayne Valley, which I would've went to like all my brothers did).I knew what was right. In my heart of hearts, I did.This decision was all on me and what I wanted. It was also, and most importantly, God directing me. Even my parents allowed me to choose wherever I wanted to go. I had full autonomy out of the one's I visited and Wayne Valley as the default public school, as well.I remember the night in which the actual decision happened in which I had a sheet of paper with all the schools written down and I went one by one in crossing those schools off that didn't fit me and I, them. I eventually opted for SJR. I had such a relief when I could openly say that because my parents, nor anyone, knew where I wanted to go up until this point. I was waiting. I remember my parents with me around the table. Both happy. My mom a tad concerned too and questioning my decision - most likely, because SJR was a long drive everyday and the tuition was expensive. Yet, they made it work. They got it done.I remember being the last one to hand in the application papers the day they were due. Haha. What a thrill. We just got them submitted in time, in person. I remember us being on our way to something and going to SJR on the way to submit the application form for my enrollment.Everything had just begun.There is nothing I would've done differently here. There's nothing I could of done. It was the way it was meant to go.
This experienced didn't lessen my trust in people. It, however, showed me to take people's words seriously. Every word someone says matters. It also taught me to be conscious of people's projections onto me in this life. People will force their opinions and thoughts on another without even considering what the individual wants themselves. Such an experience of making this big decision in my life showed me to stick to my guns, follow God (Proverbs 3:5-6, as I'm so invested into that verse in my heart now at this point in my life at 23 years old), and that the one's closest to me matter most.Family, by the Grace of God, is amazing for me. They are so trustworthy and we are so close. Every decision is made with them in mind. I'm thankful for such a bond and that I can experience living life with the accountability, responsibility, and love of my family.My hopes for the future were made brighter by this decision.It showed me that nothing worthwhile comes easy.Such a decision made me more decisive. It made me more confident. It made me more trusting in God. Man, how could I ever go astray from God from this point on in my life with this experience, AFTER EXPERIENCING such a thing!!!!!
Goals Reach Another Level
Going to SJR forced me to level up.Sink or swim, it was. I chose the latter.Since I was young, my father taught me to set goals. He taught my brothers and I the importance of setting goals for ourselves. We would make them together and review them together. So, nothing changed once I got to SJR.Even as the young, new kid "on the block" I needed to work harder than everyone else - for that exact reason. The first thing I opted into doing was showing up for early morning workouts. Keep in mind that my drive from home to school was 30-40 mins. Workouts started at 5:30 or 6 am. So, I needed to be prepared and get up early to remain on schedule. The sports trainer was a tough one too. If you messed around, he was on your a**.So, what I opted into was one of the hardest things to maintain in the long-run, but it separated me from the pack greatly. It made me a better player and person, in my own way, then many around me. I remember the guys that were consistently there every morning. Tommy Hatton, Joe-Giles Harris, JT Giles Harris and then myself, Jack Agnew, Dylan Stappleton, and Sean Mitchell. The first three were and are tremendous. All become All-Americans and one is now in the NFL. That gives a taste of the scene.So, with early morning workouts it forced me to always be on my A game. It forced me to continually be on the ball or I would be late to workouts, or late school, or rushing.So, my routines took a level up. With that, and being around the best, my goals took a level up. The goals I set with my brothers and dad were defined and showing that I wanted to prove to myself, God, and others (in a way for sports more than anything, not for appeasing others) that I was here and I was ready. I can literally go back to my sheet from '14-'15 to see I performed with my goals.Being on one of the best football teams in the state, county, tri-state, east coast, and nation, along with the best basketball teams in the county and state, pushes one to become better - if they decide to swim with the current and flow with the tide, that is.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
What happens when you are put in situations that feel as though the weight of the world is on top of you? As though one feels trapped? One can either bend.... or break.It's a beautiful opportunity. But one that is with God can surmount and make the most of what God's Will is needed of them of anything, since they have the Creator of the Universe on their side.I felt super uncomfortable at SJR when I first got there. In a good way. It caused me to grow.I didn't know many people, it was far away from my home, and mostly everyone in basketball and baseball was better than me. It was tough, but I signed up for such sacrifice and suffering.This experience taught me the importance of how to approach suffering well, how to accomplish new goals at another level and apply all that my dad was teaching me at the time about such things, and the importance of trusting the process. Putting in the unseen work and trusting in God and asking for help when it is needed.... oh man it's critical.
Fires in the Backyard | Family | Love
"What do you enjoy most in this life?"My friend once asked me that upon having our regularly scheduled weekly conversations. He actually prompted the question a week prior to our conversation for the next week in order to get me thinking about it - likewise for himself.When time came for the conversation to be had between myself and Adam, I knew exactly what I enjoyed most about this life. I actually knew when he prompted the question a week prior. Yet, I was even more sure of myself as of now.I simply said a couple things: 1) the little things (looking at blades of grass being blown by the wind), 2) the big things (big events or big accomplishments, and 3) deep conversations - especially over fires.Growing up I had all of the above. There was something special about #3 though. Deep conversations get to the core of the important things in life. Since I love talking about God, it almost always got to that point or touched on it at least. When I was young, I enjoyed talking about girls or to girls, so the best conversations late at night were with them or with my friends in talking about them.It was always a joy to have a fire in the backyard and hanging out with family. A warm summer night with water, smores, cigars, wine, and nothing. Just us. There is such peace in those moments. There is an ease to all. It opens people up when they see a fire, late at night, around others they love, while under the stars of the galaxy. It's tribal. It's in our nature.It's beautiful, to say the absolute least.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Some of my favorite moments ever were these. Fires in the backyard. God was always there and always will be - especially when two or more are gathering in His Name ;)When people ask me what I enjoy most about life, fires in the backyard and deep conversations with people that I love is always the top contender. It takes the trophy man. Those moments bring about an emotional, deep, euphoric feeling unlike any other.Such moments taught me the importance of time with family, loved ones, and God. Without the last, a person is a dead individual walking.Such love happened around those fireputs. In that 65 Hamilton Ave house for sure. But even in other hats. It's a time to relax and let one's guard down. Thus, great conversations happen as one an another opens up to each other around that pit.
The Blueprint to Chasing a Dream and Laying a Foundation | Patience | Long-Term Thinking
The Drive.... Everyday
This is not just "the drive" in meaning being a driven individual. "The drive" means what it literally means and says: the drive in a car.Every. Single. Day. I took the 30-45 minute drive to high school for the start of school or for a sports practice of some sort (i.e. basketball or football). I then drove 30-45 minutes back. I either drove by myself, carpooled with someone, or drove with my Pop-Pop or mom or dad.It was a time to listen to music, listen to tapes, inject motivation into my veins, have call with others, spend time with God, eat in the car (especially pb&j's on the way home from football practice), observe other cars, drive fast, drive slow, and most importantly, be silent. I spent much time reflecting and being in silence during my drives. So much time. It brought such growth because I was soaking up so much through others, sports, academia, during that time while at SJR.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
This drive isn't related to the internal drive of this new phase of my life. No. However, it could be after I explain more.This drive refers to the 30-40 min one-way drive I took from my home in Wayne to get to high school everyday. It was even tougher on the way back knowing I would have to do it all again the next day and when I was tired after school and even practice on top of that with football, basketball, or training for one or both.Sometimes I spent time eating in the car on the way home because it was so late. My mom was caring enough to make and pack me some sandwiches to eat on the way home. The even crazier thing was that I used to get so tired at the wheel that my eyes would flutter to almost momentarily closing. Not a good thing for others on the road - at all. Not safe.What a testing of my faith and my family's faith in this high school and its benefit for me. Such patient endurance and sacrifice was required. It went far beyond the drive itself and incorporated so many other things of character development, isolation time to listen to many things, time for thinking, time for talking with people in the car, and more.
- Analysis of this event
- The effects of this event
This experience came about because it had to. The reality was set and I was to experience it (and at times it felt like I had to "endure" it).This was a positive experience. Spending time in a car not able to go anywhere but to one end point destination, brings about a focus in the car. Whether it be with others or by oneself, a car ride can be rather productive and meaningful.During my first year at SJR high school, I car pooled with a friend from my town in Wayne or got rides from my parents. It was fun to experience such a reality with other new friends. I did one of the following on the ride to school: slept, talked to others, read, listened to a podcast, or went on my phone. Most of the time I was awake. I loved looking out the side window, since I wasn't driving (or able to at that time yet).When driving my parents or grandpa, it allowed for such quality time with the other person. I was able to have the space and 30-45 minutes of time to talk openly about anything. As was the same with them. It allowed for no talking as well and just enjoying the being next to the other family member in the car.What a blessing!Then, came the years after my first at SJR, in which I could drive. Juggling few cars for a big family was interesting, but we made it work. God provided as He always does. So, I got the car when I needed to and managed everything with logistics well. Having my mom prepare food for me for the morning and for after practice, which was after school, was incredibly helpful. What would I do without my parents?I don't believe anything could've been done differently considering the limited bandwidth I had and the resources my family had with cars. We were resourceful and found others to drive with when I couldn't get to school or practice on my own. It worked out as I should've.I'll never forget the routes I took home. Going on one highway, like 287, because traffic was too heavy on the parkway. Paying for tolls on the garden state parkway and then through route 80 to route 46, in order to go a faster route home than 287. Haha. Eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches out of the aluminum foil my mom packed me everyday on the drive home after practice late at night.Man. What an experience.Spending time in that car allowed me to enjoy time in listening to music, listening to podcasts, etc. I soaked up so much knowledge from the words of those on the radio or those in the passenger seat next to me. Most importantly, spending time in silence in that car alone during my 30-45 minute drives, to school and back home, were deeply beneficial. I was able to think, ponder things, and sit with God in His Presence. It was an opportunity to speak with Him always.I'm now realizing, especially now with my recent move to Austin, TX one year ago from March 2022 and being in solitude majority of the time when I first got to this city, that spending time in isolation and for God is deeply beneficial. God doesn't do these things on accident.
I trusted people more because of this experience and leaned on them for more things than one. Asking for help is a trait that God cultivated in me even more because without it, I would have been stranded without rides to and from school. My options were limited and I always needed to be honest. The circumstances required it of me. God put me in such an environment to grow me in more ways than a dozen!My hopes for the future grew because God gave me more dependency on Him and showed me the value of responsibility. I grew into a man upon the time of graduating SJR.My personality adopted to enjoying more of the moment because of each car ride and every occurence within each car ride. Sometimes, it was hard and I didn't want to do certain things. But that's the beauty of reality, brought to all of us by God, we can't escape it.When one realizes that and makes the most out of each moment in which they are given, a state of gratitude arises and blessings are given from that specific thing because one's eye's are now opened to new truths!
The New Guy | Discomfort Zone (x10)
What does it feel like to be the new one amongst new people? Everyone knows each other for the most part, but you know no one.So, what needs to be done?It's either being a snail in the corner of not interacting with anyone or being bold and establishing myself within the social group amongst other individuals.SJR brought with it growth. Some came gradually. Other things came naturally, however, those things were uncomfortable.As I mentioned, sports in the summer (i.e. football camps and sessions) allowed me to grow close to many individuals that made up the majority of my own class of '17. So, the entrance into the school year during my freshman year in the fall of '13 was easier than I thought.Then again, why should I have to think about those things? I can plan ahead. But it would be best to just go with God and let him guide my path as I walk with confidence in that!
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Being the new guy at SJR forced me to get comfortable with the uncomfortable reality of life at the time. I wasn't the best, brightest, or strongest. Although, I was the hardest worker. Without a doubt. Such "weaknesses" (as they were that since I was among people way better than me) became my strengths.I ended up becoming the best, brightest, and strongest - as awards I received by the time I graduated high school showed for that.To do what you love and to prove you are the right person for the job, you must show up consistently. I was that guy. I was reliable. By showing up consistently and pushing through times that were strange to me, it caused to mold into the person of character that would enjoy any given situation. Adversity became my friend and that's a mindset that has stuck with me until now and I know it will forever.
Patience, Patience, and More Patience
Moving fast is great, yet wanting things quick is not. We are guaranteed our efforts and can control only that. We are not guaranteed the fruit of the labor that we put forth.So, with that preface, I say such a thing because patience was one of the most important virtues I had to hold near and dear to me as I develop as an individual when in high school.As it mentions in 2 Peter 1: patient endurance. So, my patience with sports, relationships, academia, the daily grind wasn't just patience, it was patient endurance. Enduring any obstacles by trusting in God, leaning on others for help and advice and counsel, and remaining steadfast on the path ahead to secure a long-term victory for whatever desire I had planted within my heart as I entered into SJR in the summer of '13.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
I wanted to have it all at once. Sometimes, I want everything at once. But as the quote goes, "You can have anything you want in life, just not everything you want in life." I love being in tough situations that require more responsibility of me and for me to be the best vessel of God possible. It's a grounding reality that leads to being present.There were moments in sports at SJR that I didn't get what I wanted. My worst outcome came true at times. Such things caused me to get over the ego battle in my head or how I would be perceived by others for falling short and playing in the average ranks - because I knew I was not average.Yet, I was at the time. By being put to square one constantly, God's timing showed out way better than mine. I was in a much better spot but not forcing the bit too early or by not giving up. Because why should one rush the inevitable if it will work out in the favor of what's best for God and what's best for the person who believes and trusts in God's plan (far greater than their own)? That would simply be ungodly.Yes.
A Low Point | Thank You Dad
He said, "Be committed. Follow through with what you committed to."That was what my dad said to me when I was near my lowest. I had just been told I would be playing JV as a junior. It was a heart wrenching thing. A sophomore got the backup position I wanted to play within. I had worked so hard all summer but simply wasn't a fit for the starting position on varsity - for football that is. I saw basketball in a similar light in some way, even though I play a lot on varsity.Nonetheless, this experience humbled me, tested my commitment, and brought me to accept the reality that was present in my life.It was a turning point. One in which I was so humbled that I cried. My dad was there to comfort me. He loved me. God loved me. Father. Father.I was made better through patient endurance. Just one example of the plethora to be listed as I continue authoring ahead.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
At my lowest, my father helped me out. He taught me obedience in a time when I wanted to be anything but that with my high school.As goes and as was best written - extracted from my testimonial that I wrote for my re-baptism.It was my father who hugged me when I told him I didn’t want to continue sports anymore and that I wanted to transfer catholic schools because things weren’t going my way. I wasn’t getting what I wanted, but as my dad said in such a moment, “You have to stay committed son.” God was there and I could feel His presence binding my father and me as we hugged in my backyard for multiple minutes. I went on to become part of a football and basketball team that was top-ranked in the nation and state, respectively, because of said commitment - along with many other blessings in said school.Obedience is better than sacrifice. Yet, the ends I was going to with SJR felt like sacrifice in and of itself. By reaching this point, the Lord made me weak, caused me to accept His plan and trust His process, and it all worked out for the better. Oh the things that came of it. Wow. What rewards.
The Apex After Being in the Well (Which Was Actually Exactly What I Needed) | Acceptance
How does one respond when at their lowest? It's either an acceptance of the situation and moving on or neglecting the current reality and walking further away from such a thing.After the low point, since I did go to SJR for sports, I had with my dad consoling me as I counseled him with eventual teary eyes, there was a certain relief. There was a certain fire behind me too.I wanted to prove to myself and trust in God. I wanted to embody trust the process. I wanted to make the most out of what I had, considering my parents sacrificed so much and gave so much for me to attend the school I truly wanted to.The things that came out of it were amazing. I wore a hat of responsibility, acceptance, patience, even harder work ethic, and betterment.Hereafter, I accepted the playing of JV football as a junior, I made plays. I proved my skill level to others watching. When I got chances to play positions (i.e. special teams) on varsity, I made my presence known. Month after month things got better. Things especially drastically improved the summer before senior year too. That's when I knew, I was where I should be. My name was being called and this time I was ready.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Upon growing up, I had a wallpaper on my phone for a brief period of time. It went something like: "usually the thing you don't want to do is the thing you need to do" or "the thing you fear most is the thing you need most". With that text, there was a picture of mountains behind it as well. One can understand why.For me, the theme of that wallpaper seeped into exactly what I went through during the time frame that I am writing an entry about. After I had went back to square one of my sports level in playing JV as a junior, which is what I didn't want to happen and what I feared most to happen, I built my way up through God's guidance and hard work. I made the most of every opportunity and seized what I could in order to become better and fit a mold within the varsity football lineup - as goes for basketball at times too.The bottom of the well is scary to many, but it's exactly what is most important to everything when being used because it contains the water one wants to get at.
The Best - Squeezing That Damn Sponge to its Utmost
I definitely developed this, in-part, from my family line, but when I want something I go all out. I pace myself, but I do as much as possible and then some, in order to get the most out of said thing.In the past, so speaking at this point in time in my life when I was 17 / 18 years old, I would go hard and reach some point of burnout. But I learned how to avoid that as I grew by doing things I loved and by pacing myself for the long-term.All the more, and to say, I eventually walked out of SJR and asked myself one question, "Did I make the most of my time here and give my all?" That answer came naturally. I absolutely did. A given!The achievements, rewards, love, and accomplishment that all came out of SJR are all representations of that. I will die alone in the grave to go be with my Father (God). Meaning, no trophies are coming with me. But it just goes to say and show, ask others about me at SJR, and they'll smile or think of something good. God did great things with me at that place. Thanks to my parents to infinity and beyond for there giving and sacrifice in allowing me to go there. I still remember the last day of signing up to attend SJR. We had to hand in a form in person at the school. I remember my dad and my family were going down the shore. So, we went to SJR to drop off the enrollment form before going to South Jersey.We made it literally, just in time. I was one of the last one's to enroll. Just wow.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
After the bottom, was the top. For the dream I was chasing that is. God made everything right and molded my character into one of resilience, patience, love, courage, and trust.I never would've thought it would take the time it did to end up as a player on the top football team in the country and top basketball team in the county and state. But it was the best way it could've went. It was the way God had it go and wanted it to go. Now, looking back at it, it's the way I wanted it to go too because it ended my high school career with an absolute bang.So many great things happened my senior year that showed me when my heart is aligned with God's Will, the things he can grant are far better than anything I would've ever thought up myself. He directs and we must adapt and move with Him.I learned trust and love for the process and patience and kindness to another level then I ever have before. I knew it was an example I needed to show me the framework of a pursuing a dream that is a worthy ideal!a
Lost Souls, Found Souls
Cheating: A Scar on My Mental (From How I Perceive It)
This was a time that I'm not the proudest of but I have learned to accept. I was dating a girl named Skylar. She was great to be around and I treated her great but she didn't seem to accept said love and care and, in hindsight, I see why our energies didn't really match.But in this experience at this point in time, we were just going from senior prom in high school and on our way to the beach where my friends girlfriend had a beach house - well, her family.Skylar, myself, her two friends, my friend Vincent and his girlfriend were all there.There was one night where all drank and Skylar got particular drunkered. Everyone else did as well. I didn't drink as much because I don't like to and it's not within my values, yet that's no excuse for what I did.See, thereafter everyone was done drinking and was weighed down by the output of the days and the drinking on their mental, all crashed relatively early. We all had our own rooms, yet I decided to go into the room of my friend Skylar late at night and sleep in the bed with her. We didn't do anything but we just touched and such. I only spent 20-30 minutes in that bed, but it doesn't matter if the toe is in the pool or the whole body, it's still in the pool. Meaning, I still did what I did, no matter if I did nothing or everything sexual with her friend Kylie.And the thing on top of that was that another friend was sleeping in the bed on the other side of the room during such night. How bad is that? Bad.On the next day, it could not be kept in. Somehow and someway, through my telling of Vince, his telling of others, or maybe even Gabby seeing in the room late at night when I was in there, everyone found out. I got ripped apart and we ended up leaving the house earlier than usual. I remember how it was right after we went to a flea market of sorts and got back to the house that Skylar was furious and had a mad energy to her. Her friends weren't happy too. She felt betrayed by two people.When I was driving back home to North Jersey after this, I got a call from Skylar twice with her wanting an explanation of why I did such a thing. Same with her dad calling me once. I swallowed the event and told others what happened. Surprisingly, all the friends and family I told, said it wasn't that bad. But little do they know what's going on in my head with my value alignment and this terrible action.That's that though!
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
I never would've thought I would do such a thing. Even though many others around me perceive it as not so bad, I think of it as the worst. Imagine if I did this cheating act while married. Thankfully and gracefully the Lord showed me it while I was young and has weighed it on my heart so much. I never want to hurt others - especially those who don't deserve it.Yes, I want to eradicate evil as much as God does. But doing harm and causing emotional hurt to those for no reason at all, well that's aweful.I slipped up in kissing Skylar Giarusso's friend Kylie Fernands at the shore house after prom. The entire weekend there felt wrong. I hated all the drinking and sin too. Skylar was never loving and caring of me either. What a dumb excuse. I used that as leverage to do wrong. What absurdity. Who am I? I acted as though I was Saul during his downfall or the Canaanites back in the Old Testament. Not good. Not good in God's sight most importantly and alone.From this situation, I learned the importance of repentance, how little I want to rely on myself and how I should alone rely on God and Lord Savior Jesus Christ. I fall short, yet God never will. He is perfect and so are His plans.Better because of it.I also had to accept responsibility for this situation. This mindset equipped me to not go astray, even when I most want to during difficult, trying circumstances.
- Analysis of this event
- The effects of this event
This was a most negative on my end. Just a negative. Although all things are done for God's Glory by God's Justice + Grace, it's only that He makes such things so. This experience I went through was a direct sin and showed the weakness of relying upon flesh - thus, as mentioned before, it gave way for His Glory because it goes to show how much better things are when dwelling and depending upon Him.Matthew 19:26. God makes all things possible. Man is temporal and falls short.I hurt other people during this experience when I kissed and flirted and slept in Skylar's (my past girlfriend of a short many months in high school) friends bed with her for a little while upon being in South Jersey at another friend of Skylar's beach house after my SJR high school prom.I remember after it happened how bad I felt and the vivid conversations I had in my car, over the phone, with first Skylar, then her dad. My actions brought about such a trauma for her (I hope not though). Such a thing can cause her to lose trust in people when she was already damaged enough by certain things. If her parents were divorced, how would this help her in anyway. It compounds to the difficulty she might have when getting married herself. I pray and hope that my one action shows her the wrong way of things and makes her an even greater wife and mother in the future, God willing that be in her future to be a wife and mother.I would have done everything differently in this experience and to be honest, being around an environment where others were intoxicated with alcohol and drugs didn't help. I saw it all as an opportunity to do none of that, yet while all were intaking such things, I could slip through the cracks without anyone noticing.And imagine if I got away with it, the guilt of lying would haunt me. I'm glad reality showed its face upon me and all. What a sobering and humbling event.Yes, although many around me said, after the fact, that none of this was my fault or it doesn't truly matter because Skylar and me weren't that serious in a relationship, that is not my perception. The deeper God shows Himself to me, the more I reject such a thing I did when I was younger. Everything we do matters. Everything. Everything we say, the way we act, decisions we make, all of it!I take responsibility for all my wrong doings. Yet, for what came of it because God can make treasure from trash, is beautiful. It goes to show how Merciful He is. It goes to show how much He loves me.I hated this decision and my flesh for it. Yet, I didn't hate the lesson that came from it. I was oddly happy upon driving back to North Jersey to go home after everyone left the beach house that weekend. Even getting ridiculed by Skylar and having a talk with her dad, it brought me a weird joy, because I was immediately changed in that moment and learned my lesson. I knew God would only. bring it up from here. I only felt this way after I experienced the guilt and shame that I did from such an act.
This caused me to not trust in myself as much or upon the wrong people, but rather the right people rooted in God and in God Himself.My parents thankfully showed me the right way to stay committed in marriage and, on top of that, the wrong I did with this experience showed me what not to do. Even some things my parents did in the household with their marriage, showed me what to avoid. It showed me the importance of being biblically sound in marriage and even in all other areas of life. What a lesson. Wow.My personality was changed and values became more rooted. I learned my lesson. But it took some time after the fact to get out of my way and have God chip away at such a lingering guilt. I am in a great place with this experience now and now longer pin myself to that past. I do pin my old self and flesh to it and I am made better because of this new place I'm in with the Spirit with my spirit. My personality is there and value and value of life is stellar. All thanks to God.I was corrected! It took humbling.
Sports: Gone | Army: Gone | What Do I Do Now?
I played sports all my life - up until the age of 18, that is.Whenever I tell others my life story, I always mention that. It's staggeringly beautiful. I played sports for almost a decade and got such valuable lessons and memories from it.With that said, when it was pulled from my life, I had somewhat of a void to fill. I needed to occupy my time through another mode of living.This is when I decided the Army would be good for me. Apply to West Point! Yet, I didn't get in. Apply for an Army ROTC scholarship! Yes, I got it.Although, I only got into one school, Drexel did thankfully accept my ROTC scholarship. This was perfect. I was in such a great spot. Everything was working perfectly. However, I didn't like the Army and I was experimenting like crazy with clubs and activities. God become a #2 in my life eventually. All else was great.Once I told everyone about my thoughts and told my commanding leadership about my wanting to drop my ROTC scholarship, many things changed. I began the re-build from there. I was taking on tons of responsibility and trying to figure out how to pay off these loans, while attending school, while building my business, while doing other things.What do I do now?
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
What do I do now? What should I do now?The thing I did majority of my life is done with. The direction in which I was going has now been abandoned and changed.This day was coming with sports. It was just a matter of how to deal with the change of not playing sports anymore. It's a course on how to endure well. I wouldn't say suffer well. Because losing a sport that I love and soaked up as much as I could from didn't make me suffer. It stunk to not play it in a recreational way anymore through schools, yet that part of my life served as it was supposed to. Now, it was over. Done and done with memories locked away.One can find their true character when they lose something, have to depart from something they enjoy, or how they handle change (especially when it sees like it's happening "at the worst time").As for the army. I chose to leave that behind and go onto a different path. I truly didn't enjoy ROTC. Not to say I wouldn't have enjoyed the army, but ROTC was awful and giving my future life for something I wasn't fully committed to seemed wrong.As I said once before, I wouldn't want to put 80% into something that requires 100% because then I would be a liability to the lives at stake and the factors stemming from such activity. The army for me was that.One can find their true, TRUE character upon letting go of something.
Finding Myself The Hard Way | Conforming to College | Parties, Girls, Socialization, School - Not Me
There is a thing at Drexel University called the co-op. The program works as is: you go to school for 6 months and get credits for taking classes. Then, you get a job of any sort and any position and any pay and get credits for said work.The most important thing about the experience is actually not doing the thing itself, but finding out what you don't enjoy and don't want to do. That's as valuable as anything. Avoidance of things unliked is built within one's life thereafter.But my point is, that connects exactly to finding myself the hard way.....When I went into university, I went out on my own to discover what I enjoyed. I experimented with different things (not drugs or alcohol). Mostly with my life. I didn't pray about it much. I didn't go to God first. I went to Him second.Thus, what ended up happening was trying to appease others. I didn't live with the embodiment of fearing God. Rather, I just lived and did what others around me did sometimes. Not fully. But sometimes. That still counts as something. There was many isolated moments. Keep in mind I was building my own podcast, then business, during the early times of this phase.It would have been nice to have a better community than just random college kids. However, and not to leave out or slander, I did find friends for life. I found people that thought on the same wavelength I did. I found driven people that loved what I loved too. It was a matter of time until it started to be people who loved Christ too instead of just business and entrepreneurship and self-improvement. More on that to come in later writing ;)
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Why go the hard way when there is an easier option? Well, maybe I shouldn't say easy because I don't want one to connotate "easy" in my context in the sense that all suffering is nil, yet what I mean is "easier" in the way that one would be working in the flow with the Creator of the entire universe.Looking back at it, it would have been great for myself to hear such a statement with clarity. I was too lenient at times though. I let little sins pass by and I wasn't as weary of the evil around me that I am now. My faith wasn't truly "faith".Thus, it showed in my efforts and ways. A kid in college who happens to go to a few parties here and there because his friends are going. No big deal right? Experimenting with a few things like alcohol and weed here and there because people around him are. No big deal right?Huge deal. We're talking about distractions and actions from the adversary! We're talking about being unaligned with the faith I said I possessed. God doesn't need people in the middle. Not like toes testing out the pool before one goes in fully. He wants those all the way in the pool of faith - submerged and all.From this experience in college, I learned what's at stake. I learned what not to do which is more often than not informative on the development of one's character and how one should act. I learned to not let little things skate by and that everything matters.What are your values? What are your beliefs? Are you going to compromise a worldly thing for that?
My Parents Declare Bankruptcy and Move Out of 65 Hamilton Ave
This is one of the hardest moments in life out of them all. Not just for me, but ESPECIALLY for my parents. It's not the thing of going bankrupt that hurt their hearts (although that absolutely sucks), it's losing the house that we all, as a family, thought we would have forever.It was a graceful, beautiful place. One that we made home to so many people with. There are countless memories from 20+ years of having it. My oldest brother, my other brother, me growing up there, my little brother. So much good and great happened there.So, in hearing my parents tell me this news, it came as a surprise. It came as even more of a surprise when they had already done the work to move everything out of the house and to 223 Andover Dr. That must've been a lot of damn work and with such little time to savior the house and the life we built there.I was at school when I heard the news from my parents. It was 2018 at the time. Talking to my brothers about it at one point made it understandable. Nonetheless, it was tough to let such a thing go. Especially when it could've easily been preventable. My parents literally spent too much and didn't control their finances over time, thus leading to declaring bankruptcy and foreclosing the house.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
This was such a shock to me. What!? Bankruptcy? No way. It must be a joke. How?!It was real.I, like my brothers, found out after my parents had moved everything from 65 Hamilton Ave to 223 Andover Dr. I couldn't imagine what they were going through. Forget about me. To squander the opportunity of having such a home because of bad habits that caused a build up to this moment in time. The anguish of having to move so many things and let go. The stress of telling their children and others.Such things can show one's state of mind at the time.The worst situations we have in life are escapable and we can triumph and be made greater through them because of our trust and belief in Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. However, if one doesn't have that faith, the worst situations we have in life are one's we can remain in, like digging ourselves a whole.As Warren Buffett says, "When you find yourself digging a whole, stop digging."
- Analysis of this event
- The effects of this event
This one was a big hit when it came about. My parents not only filed for Ch 7 bankruptcy, but had to move out of their house for the same exact reason. The same house that all my brothers and I grew up at. 65 Hamilton Ave. A legendary house. A house with so many memories. And not even a house. A home.A home to many and all who entered were welcomed with warmth.It had been my parents that had gifted us with so many things and privilege my brothers and me with such a beautiful upbringing. However, their spending habits weren't biblically sound and weren't sustainable. So, they worked and worked and worked, yet spent and spent and spent.It was tough. Yet, such a consequence was bound to happen with the habits in which my parents possessed - or possessed them?It was a negative experience at the time and required more work from my parents than they should've ever had to go through. They were hurt financially and emotionally by such an event. It seemed as though they had no time to even reflect on the situation because they were moving from 65 Hamilton Ave to 223 Andover Dr. at the time. They didn't reflect or spend time to because they didn't want to. Why? They just keep on running and don't stop. That's the one thing about my parents. Some silence and solicitude with God would do them justice. It would calm them down and make everything easier for their life. My dad is getting that point now in his daily Bible reading - what a discipline habit to form. What a way the Lord is working on his heart to turn his strength to a good use, in reading the sacred Scriptures.My role was minimal during all of this. I didn't find out about it all until my mom called me when they were mid-moving everything from one home to another house. I was at Drexel University in Philadelphia when I got the call from my mom. The news was not shocking and I didn't act surprised. I was just sad to be losing such a home. I grew up in that place for almost 20 years of my life. My thoughts immediately were directed towards my parents and little brother. It was probably so difficult for them to experience that. Wow.Stay strong Nick. Rely on God, mom and dad.I couldn't have done much differently besides not going to SJR so my parents wouldn't have had to pay tuition there (close to $50k for 4 years) and I could've denied any money my parents ever offered to gift me with and provide for me for any small activities of mine. Yet, would such changes in the past could have changed my parents lifestyle? I don't know. It seems like nothing could have.To my understanding, subjectively and objectively, these consequences were out of my hands and beyond my control. I could only learn from such a situation and make sure to not build up a wall around such an event. I don't want to become totally hardened to finances and fearful about spending money because of my parents living. I will use it as a learning and be better because of it.More God, less selfish me.
My parents are strong. They are so tough. The things they've had to do in this life to provide for a family of 6 total is astounding. The things they had to go through willing, because reality called for it, like asking Pop-Pop for money when they went bankrupt, would be tough on anyone who would got through such a thing.The habits that they embodied seem inescapable to them. I even had some trauma in life later on with finances and trusting others because my parents would ask me for money and not give it back. Or when I was younger, they would simply take money from my room without my knowledge and when I found out (if I found out), they said they were going to replace the same amount of money in the same spot later on.Such behaviors caused me to hide money in places where my parents couldn't find it. Such things can restrict one from opening up. Yet again, thanks to God's love and Christ's heart in me, I am compassionate to them for such things in the past. I can only imagine what they had gone through during my young years in order to keep the home and family afloat financially - until eventually, the roof had to cave in on their financially situation (metaphorically, with the roof part).My hopes for the future became better when I saw that they could change. I saw difficult conversations had between my brothers and parents that forced them to change. Man. People only change because God Wills for such things to happen. People think they are in control, yet they really don't understand free will and freedom if that's the case. Have Mercy on their minds O Lord.Maybe, such experiences in my life with my parents happened in order to teach me about letting go of control, acceptance, and relying upon God (or what happens when one doesn't).I don't hold grudges or have excuses or blame my parents for anything in my life because of what happened to them. They tried their best and at times, that led to what it led to. Sometimes their best was truly their best. Sometimes their best was masked in not the best over time.I learned through such an experience as this, to love my parents more and listen to them often. My family, amazingly by the Grace of God, grew closer because of this experience. God truly is holding my family together for a particular reason. Now, their eyes just need to be focused towards the face of Jesus. Have Mercy on them Lord, as you did with me.
Sex & The High Experience of That
It was my first time having sex. In hindsight, now that I am on path with God, it was premature and immature. I had done sensual things before getting to college, which was also premature and immature and not aligned with my values. Yet, I did it nonetheless.When I got to college, I strived to have sex for the first but it was after I had these weed brownies that caused me to go straight to sleep. So, no action or even me trying to have sex with Grace Landry, the girl I was going to try to do it with, was successful.But when it got to dating Bella, which was about 2 years from the Grace experience, we went at it plenty. Just to emphasize again, this is for the explanation of this experience and not in my condoning of it. I went through it and it is what it is. I got saved through God because of it and clinged to my faith thereafter. What was so great, brought me so low, yet brought me back so steady again with God.Nonetheless, when Bella and I had sex many times, there was this one moment that seemed to be better than them all. In short, she got to a point in which she got off for the first time ever from a guy. She was acting lucid and free after that. She could barely function and wanted to go to bed after. I was exhausted myself, but amazed nonetheless because it was genuinely the first time I had sex with completion (well I did it multiple times with Bella before that, but this was different). I didn't know I could do such a thing or had it in me.But that's what started the high experience. Clinging to such a thing and becoming what many would call "obsessed" with sex - especially with Bella. We always did it. Which when unmarried and not rooted in Christ after marriage, as my first sex experience should've been, eventually led to an unstable foundation in my relationship with Bella. We were prioritizing and focused on the wrong things. Yes. That was it.As I say, it was Bella first and God second. Which makes all the sense seeing what it led to with where I ended up. Never again.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
A short time of experiencing pleasure and a brutal awakening because of it. One can only last so long in a pool of such sin.I was so naive in doing this, yet I was blinded by my attraction to a girl I like at the time, Bella, and the fascination of what sex felt like.Of course, at the time, I didn't think such a thing was a big issue. Having sex all the time with this girl and fooling around for fun. But with a renewed mind in Christ now, such a thing has one's eternity at stake. And how can I have said I was a believer of Christ (a Christian) at this time, if I was doing such heinous, hedonistic acts. Eternity is at stake and the Lord was going to wake me up to that.Because when the time came to separate from Bella, the void in my heart was real. The habit of seeing her and having sex was an animalistic instinct. It wasn't genuine. My mind needed to catch up to my new habits. Vice versa for my habits to my mind and new circumstance. See, such voids in life can only ever be filled by the Lord. Jesus makes everything right and He is so Gracious and Loving that it is awe-inspiring, crying-worthy how great of God He is.The feeling of sex is great. It is a gift created by God for that of a husband and wife to use to procreate and experience together, since they are binded together in marriage. But not in the way I experienced it. No, not at all. My turn was not up, nor may it ever be.But with eyes set on the Lord and one's will aligned with His, anything can occur as He wants it to.Now, for a moment, imagine how lonely one must feel if they were in my shoes with a girl (vice versa for a man to a woman) and didn't turn their eyes to God. If the Devil has such a hold on them, that they remain chained to his ways. What a void they must have. What a deep void filled with fear and loneliness. Wow.This experience showed me the fragility of life, the importance of one's everyday decisions, and how Gracious and Loving the Lord never-endingly is. It was one of the most important learning moments in my life. Go back to all my journal entries and reflections on this experience and you will understand further. The Lord used such a crutch as a tee to set me up for success and be hit way, way closer to Him.
Build Up | The Way Back | He Was Always There
As I wrote in the experience before, God was #2 for a brief stint in my life. He is always there and always will be (ref: Psalms 22:27-28). Yet, it was my own doing of detaching from the Lord for a time to go my own way. Never again. I learned such a lesson and it will anchor me to never go astray from my FatherLet me just use part of my testimony I recently wrote in explaining Jesus Christ's amazing work in my life below - the rest can be found at anthonydapiii.com or in my own Notion (because that testimony will stay with me forever!):God continually delivers me from getting out of my own way. For so long, I’ve always wanted to help others get out of their own way, but little did I know back then: I was the one who needed the most helping.I was running, running, running, but in the wrong direction. I was the one who would try to appease others because my faith was so unstable. I was focusing on the world and God become the #2 of my life. I continually sucked myself into the wrong things and God delivered me out.The little kid always hurts himself.Yet, His Father is always there to help him. How I see it is that my wrong ways are made right by God. My failures are a way for God’s grace to shine.When I find myself crying at my lowest in some of the above moments: I cling to Jesus because he is always waiting for me.When I find myself not being able to bear the weight of my own will: God shows me a path.My past living was the opposite of Proverbs 3:5-6. My hedonistic, sinful, unrighteous ways (I’m hard on myself, but anything outside the ways of imitating Jesus should be - at least for me as I know now) are actually the exact things that led me to live like Proverbs 3:5-6 - because of God.My wrong ways continually humbled me to need to trust in God because there was no other way to go. The path was revealed because Jesus took my hand and showed me the way.I deeply remember crying by myself after the girl I put all my focus on decided to leave me for her own reasons. I felt so alone. I felt so afraid. Someone I cared for so much, decided to leave me all of the sudden. Why would she do such a thing if I cared for her so much?Yet, while I thought such things and I was wallowing in my own pity, God came for me even when I wasn’t focusing on Him. He cared for me when I didn’t care for him. He never left me and was always waiting for me. That’s the difference between humans and God. While the former is finite and limited, God is a pillar and eternal.God always filled the void. God showed the way. God touched my heart through those close to me or by going directly inside me.But now that I have deep, deep conviction in my heart, God will always be the Sun of my universe, the center of my being, the axiom of my living, and the #1 of my life. Because He is Eternal and everything else is finite. My life without Him is no life at all.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Imagine getting all you want, whenever you want, with endless pleasure. Imagine.Meditating upon that, you can eventually see how terrible such a thing would end. It's like that of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Endless pleasure for endless problems.True love requires discipline, service, learning, and choosing, not the opposite (not the above example). It's a relational thing for a rational mind.Through my experience in my relationship in college, with Bella, and all its premature, sinful actions (as great as certain things were at the time), on the other side I was eventually setup for a path that I never wanted to detach from with God. It was and always will be greater than anything else.I always knew deep down, yet the worldly relationship got the better of me. I wasn't all in. I wasn't ready and prepared to know to avoid such actions with Bella. It was the verse of James 1:14-15 in action. Desire leading to sin and sin leading to death. So, much is at stake here. Do you see?!When one establishes or re-establishes a relationship with God, true lasting change must be built over time. It's a commitment. True love is consistent and one shows up to get better everyday, all the time.So, "my build up and the way back", first required me to start at a low point. Because oh man, was anything better than that well of a low point.
Re-Born Up, Re-Bound Up
Rebuilding the Foundation
The faults that move actively in my life mostly stem from pride.Pride is a thing to avoid at all costs. Because no cost is as great as what pride can lead to - death.Also, keep notice of when you are near-to destruction. Because it is known - or if it isn’t, here is your moment of understanding - that in Proverbs 16:18, "Pride goes before destruction. Haughtiness before a fall."BEFORE.Pride goes BEFORE destruction.Just as it says in James 1:14-15, “Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.”The same way that our decisions to act on our desires lead to sins and our sins lead to death, is the same way that pride leads to destruction and that destruction is innately death.It's a habit. It's a build up. It's a decision after a decision that adds up to the catastrophic event itself. The event when you question to yourself, “How did I get here?!”__________Why do I say all of this?Because why internal destruction allowed for the opportunity to rebuild my foundation and from-here-on progression in life, only with the Most High: God.From the moment when God showed me that my priorities were wrong, it was a constant go at Bible studies, studying the Word, praying, crying out to God.It doesn't mean I didn't falter at times. But God is Ever-Loving and Ever-Patient, especially with me. He is such a kind, gracious, amazing, beautiful God. He allowed me to grow without pushing me to hating Him. That's why He is the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings. He is a great one.He was with me. He always was. He re-built my foundation with me. Like Christ came to Earth for the salvation of all sins. He was on His metaphorical hands and knees with me.(P.S I am on the verge of tears because I am in awe of God's Love and Beauty and Personable Nature. Tears of Joy. Thank you Lord. "There is no one like you Lord!!!" That's the lyrics to the song that are playing in the background as I type right now. "Better" by Maverick City Music.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
How do you rebuild a foundation? One brick at a time. One layer at a time.One material at a time that is being used to build the foundation.Focusing on the small things will amount to the adding up of mountainous big things. The compounding. The striving in one's way to be better - especially better and more connected with God.The walk is fun. The build is fun. Not just the end when the rebuilding is done.That's why I named this "Rebuilding the Foundation".
Learning Through Failure | Loving the Process
What is life if one didn't fail? And don't think of failure as having a negative or bad connotation. Connotation meaning the interpretation of a word.Rather, failure is literally an update to a system. A data point that one can use to move forth in their progression of a worthy ideal. That is success. Just as a computer updates itself through the fine tuning of developers, computer engineers, designers, etc. God is the wearer of all the hats in updating our system accordingly. However, since we have consciousness as humans, we can make our own decision due to our own free will. Thus, there is an opportunity (or tendency is a better word to use here) to get in our own way, or as I should say, the way of God's work.Stop seeing the things that's happening to you as bad. Be a vessel for God's work and imagine you're being developed, just as a computer is, so you can be better used.I say all of this because when I was down at this particularly point in life, it was a huge data point for me to learn from. It was a build up, or rebuilding of the foundation, so I can move towards what I am supposed to.That's it. Bang!
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Failure is a teacher. I went the long route for a period of time. Experimenting with different clubs, hobbies, etc... in my college experience. I tried different things with friends (even smoking once and drinking a couple times).I say the long route because if I had just looked at God and pursued Jesus, the answers would've revealed themselves in due time, in God's Will.But there is one thing I enjoyed. It was the process. The accumulation of learning what is right and what is wrong. Many try to hyper focus on the end goal with cherishing the steps it took to get there - to then realize that life is over or the venture of discovery is over once it ends.During this temporary period of trial and error, I was the little kid learning what God did and didn't love. I was learning by falling. I was Simon Peter with Jesus. Forgive my stumbling Lord. I am trying my best and was back then.You know me so well though. I appreciate your patience with me - what an understatement that is too.
The Odd One Out - Better to be Weird Than a Cog in the Machine
Why is it weird to not what to do something that others are doing? I always asked this as a rhetorical question. I didn't know the answer.Yet, now I know that I am asking the question to provide an answer. "Weird" is usually stated as a joke to another friend or it is stated as a way to label someone in a social group that isn't acting the same as the majority of people in said social group.Being "weird" is essentially being an outsider. Yes, weird can also just mean weird. Someone has an awkwardness and oddly action to their ways.I am more so referring to the "weird" that is the casting out of a current social group.I wasn't "cast out" like a Yankees fan is at the Red Sox stadium after a loss. I was, however, isolated from many and left out of things innately by many because I didn't align with the actions of the group I was once a part of. I was focused on my business, skills, mindset, faith, and relationships. Others around me were focused on finances, partying, unhealthy activities, and binging their own desires.A fact is a fact and that's what was happening, bnut because of this I found a new way and a new group of individuals, whom I spent more time with because of my detachment from the previous friends and groups. Flocking. Literally.Even more so, I took a leave of absence from school. I was so focused on my own endeavor for so long that it started to pick up steam and garner more value for my life than school, that I took a leave of absence for 6 months. When doing that, I got my first long-term contract with a client right away. I've done one-time, contracted projects before, but this was a one-year contract. I learned so much from this.6 months goes by, which was the length of my leave of absence, so I extended it because it felt too short. I wasn't ready to go back to school. The business was kicking up even more. It truly was. I enjoyed being with my family at home too, since it was during the COVID-19 outbreak and pandemic.Then, that 6 months goes by, making it 1 full year since the first leg of my leave of absence started. I decided to drop out. It was of little hesitation. I always knew in my heart that I would do this. It was an easy conversation with many - even my parents. That knew I knew what I was doing and that I was better off.This was something that I could confidently say I made a great decision on. Absolutely.Many would disagree. Many would agree. Either way, to the academic world and to society, I was a "weirdo", yet no longer a cog in the machine :)
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
I was always an odd one out. Not in a negative way. Rather, God placed something inside me that allowed me to stand out. I was unique and I was set apart. As God is holy because of those reasons, I am made in the image of God, thus I am holy in his likeness too.As I rebuilt my foundation of my belief / values system and God did the required work on me which took time, I began to spend more time alone, with Him, or focusing on building out my own venture.I was head down and hustling - sometimes too much, which I am unlearning now so that I act in calmness and not in hurriness. But through the thick of it, I was definitely focused. I was lazered in on building my own company. I was lazered in on learning more about God. I stumbled often. Yet, God kept helping me up out of His Gracious and Kindess.In conclusion of this section I would say, it's better to be the odd one out and do what is required of you, than one of many in doing something that you are not meant to be doing. It's a sacrifice, as is everything, but if you think about it, it's more so obedience and discipline than anything. It's just, what is your obedience and discipline in.
Better Off | Decisions
Making a decision and not feeling any remorse or regret over said decision is a great place to be in. That's the place I was in after I dropped out of school. On the objective view, many could have different perspectives as to if my decision was "right".However, what I've learned and what I know now, there is no "right" or "wrong". Yes, morally and ethically there is a consciousness we abide by in accordance with the Will and Way of God. But, in society, I fear no man, neither should anyone else. Life is meant for understanding. Relationships are meant for cultivating understanding. So, objectively, my decision to drop out could be indifferent, right, or wrong to many, for me it was subjectively "right" for me. That's what matters. More importantly, and all that truly matters, it was God's Will to do so - as I know of.I was meant to leave school. If not, God will still correct my path to make it right and how it should be. He is a great God. He makes everything "right". He is the subjective and objective "right". No human is. We are only meant to understand our Father: God.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Free will is free will right? What about one's will aligned with God?Decisions are decisions. As a friend and sister of Christ, Kate, once said to me, obey the Lord and let him handle the consequences. For so long, I took the framework of the world by making decisions and looking to myself to bear the consequences.Yes, I must be responsible for my actions, and I won't just avoid any air around the things that I step out in faith for, but the Lord is meant to handle all direction and "how-to's" when it comes to one's path - if it be a path set in and for His Will.I made the best decision I knew of at the time and I can see when one thing is more valuable than another. What's the use of putting energy into something that is useless and not meant for me?Well, taking a leave of absence and dropping out of university to focus on other endeavors (mostly my own business and podcast) was a step of faith in something unknown. Oh did it teach me far more than comfort ever could. I learned things for my business (like legal, accounting, finance, organizational structures, hiring, firing, equity, contracts, my skills, the business mind). I learned things about myself (like handling suffering well, what perseverance means, how to let go, why to let go, saying "no" more often, setting boundaries, the consequences of over-extending oneself, and more).I say "better off and decisions" as my title because I was better off in such a decision.Risk is so warped in this world because many, especially in America, become so comfortable because all is so orderly and setup for freedom here. But no one knows true risk until stepping out into the unknown in complete faith.God is literally embedded throughout all of Creation. He did that for a reason.
Building, Adjusting, and Accepting | Restructure, Fall Down, Build Up, & Repeat - All Upwards!
It wasn't always perfect. Being home taught me much during 2020. It was a pandemic. It was the first I've lived through and the first of it's kind. I was also building a business at the time too. I did my daily work next to my brothers room, in which he lived out of (work, sleep, chill, and all).There were moments of triumph and moments of despair. There was sinful moments and reading the Bible daily. There were realizations about myself and my business, travels made plenty, and overcoming the hardest of hard things.I spent time with family, I spent time with God, I spent time with desires, but the trajectory was all upwards. A loop, a cycle, all going upwards - slowly, yet steadily.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
This experience applies to all of life. What is life but a building up through mistakes (which helps one learn about blindspots) and an eventual falling down and rising up and falling down and rising up. And even if one knew about all the blindspots that one possibly could, it still wouldn't be enough, because the unknown is the majority of our life and we can never begin to understand the unknown or unconsciousness of ourselves. Only by faith in Christ can we walk out into such territory effectively.I say all of this because building a business was another one of those dream chasing things (just like sports in high school as I explained in another section) in which the blueprint is shown that there are upward loops in order to successfully reach a worthy ideal (or dream). However, the blueprint isn't factored the same for all. It might have the same framework but it doesn't have the same variables. That's what makes life so beautiful. Everyone has a different mix to their pot.A ton of my growth came on the other side of moving with the reality in which I was placed every day. I can't control much, and for those things I can't control, I learned to let go and accept. I controlled only what I could. If I couldn't define it, act on it, or change it, why worry about it? As James 4:13-16 goes too!All who build something don't know what they're doing. But there is a difference in one who builds for the Lord in faith and one who builds for themselves. How incredible it is that humans can build things (literally or metaphorically)! But how much better it is to have the Lord be the main architect in such plans.
Austin, TX | The Lone Star State | My North Star is There | What I Needed | God | Isolation
Who would have ever knew? Not me. Only God.In March of 2021, I made the decision and proposed the opportunity, which then became an opportunity in and of itself, to move to Austin, TX. The relocation was in main part for joining TruckBux, Inc. My friend and someone I knew of from Drexel University, Nick Nanakos, was living there for about a year when I decided to move to Austin. The companies marketing director departed and it was an opportune and unique time for me to join. We were pivoting and the company was narrowing on a focus more and more.Even though the move to Austin, TX was insanely amazing for business and being in a place that is booming like no other city (besides Miami) in the history of America, I felt that this move was God's timing. He put me here to be isolated in certain regards to grow in His word and grow in my Faith. I eventually got baptized! There are more details to give on that, but that encapsulates such tremendous growth and God's work, in and of itself.More to come. More to come.
Analysis of Effects of Experiences
Austin, TX | The Lone Star State | My North Star is There | What I Needed | God | IsolationLook at that entire title. Each word is there for a reason. Isn't it crazy how everything is connected. For example, "The Lone Star State" is called what it is for the following reason (thanks Google): "Texas is nicknamed the "Lone Star State" for its former status as an independent republic, and as a reminder of the state's struggle for independence from Mexico. The "Lone Star" can be found on the Texas state flag and on the Texas state seal." I lay all of that out because what incredible work by God to put me in a state who's exact symbol embodies the meaning of my placement there. I'll expand upon that.I believe, I know, that God placed me in a new environment for a reason. He always makes sure to include that in the main, first parts of the purpose for his children. I was placed in Austin, TX for isolation and discipline and silence. When I first moved here I didn't have much, but I did have the Lord. Because I didn't have a car and I relied upon others for transportation, my own was limited. So, I spent much time in isolation with God. Talking with Him, walking with Him, singing, and praying with Him. I read so many books and dove deeper into the Bible than ever before. I kept my home tidy and made sure to stick with those habits that made me grew. While I decreased, the Lord increased (John 3:30). It wasn't easy though. I fought the last of the hardest habits to get rid of that the Lord needed to pull away from me. But oh did it only make me stronger because He replaced them with much better things and with joy and peace and love. God just filled me up with the best internal gifts, showing me that nothing can surmount or pass His Glory and Love.My North Star was, is, and always will be God. My North Star was in the Lone Star state! As I wrote in my testimony explaining my life before and after truly knowing Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, "God gives you what you need, not what you want."God knows my heart more than ever. He gives me what is right and what I can handle. How good and perfect and holy, holy, holy, is He!!!!The craziest thing is that I'm finishing this entire self-authoring suite program (past, present, and future) during the time in which I am being called by the Lord more and more. The Timing. The Timing, man. It's the one thing I will never, ever fully be able to explain in words or measure in expression. It's just... it is. It is God. He is outside of time. So, His Timing moves in ways that put us small, abject worm of humans in awe - of course, made in His Image though ;).
- Analysis of this event
- The effects of this event
This experience came about from God. A unique opportunity presented itself with a business, which just so happened to be my friend Nick's business and one in which other friends of mine from Drexel University happened to be a part of. Business was the driver that got me there, but the more I spent time in Austin, TX, the more I realized that it was much bigger reasons.As I told my Aunt Diane recently, I believe that the reason I moved to Austin, TX was to learn more about the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. So many opportunities of growth to my life and development of my character came from being in Austin, TX, much of which revolved around my faith-life to which God's Grace was given to me.See, I just came home for Gabbie Stoppers wake and funeral on 2/16-2/17. It was sobering to see a young girl die at the age of 23. My friends that I grew up with were shook. I can tell when I saw them while I was home and at the wake and funeral. Many tears were had. I had my share of tears alone and water eyes during the wake and funeral services. But, and in no way saying this in a judgemental or condemning way, rather in a way of praising God, I felt so grounded during Gabbie's death. God gave me wisdom and understanding of this occurence. God also gave me Grace in having me go to SJR for high school and in having me go to Austin, TX to grow more. These things were enduring to go through when I first started the journey with them, but the more I walked with God, the more that was endured, the better and better things became - and being in Austin, TX at this particular moment in my life, have now become over time.It's by the Grace of God and by His Mighty, Powerful, yet Patient, Loving Hand that He gave me life and new life. Jesus saved me a long time ago. Getting out of my own way and living in such a way that realizes that, just so happened to occur recently - all by God's Grace!Moving to the Lone Star State was one of the most positive experiences of my life. It was what I needed. As the early parts of my testimony go, as Dennis told me once as God's vessel at the time, "God will give you what you need, not what you want." Oh certainly so. His Will continues to be done in my life. As I lean into it and accept such a beautiful thing, as I obey and walk with Him, my life unfolds into more of a beautiful journey for him.The thing about Austin, TX is that being alone, without a car for the first 8 months, truly allowed me to spend time in solitude. Not aloneness. Totally different. It was isolation and that time was spent in the Bible and in silence and meditating over many things. I wrote and read and worked out and stretched much. Just like SJR in my daily drives, I got the same needed time with God required to grow into this next phase of my life. He has me in development and my roots are going deep mannnn. Time to bloom soon, if it be in God's Will! May God's Will be done and He be Honored - as He always will be unto the end days, w/ or w/o me.
I made a decision to move to Austin, TX. God led me to that place. It was the best decision I could make at the time and it showed significant promise for growth ahead in my life.As God told me through the Holy Spirit thanks to Jesus Christ when debating the decision to stay or to go to Austin, TX, "either way, I will still love you."Such a beautiful line and when I heard it, peace surrounded me and swarmed my insides. Thank you Lord.My trust in others grew during this situation. My parents were so patient and loving and supportive during all of this. Just like SJR! It's crazy man. It's crazy. They're incredible. And Nick helped plenty with my move to Austin, TX when I made the decisive leap. He loved that I did and respected that. As a leader of the startup and growing company, he was so compassionate and helpful during this transition in my life. Unto the ends of going everywhere with him and most places I needed to be, work or not, in giving me rides.My hopes for the future grew. My belief in my own value and value of life grew. My personality is maturing and transforming because of that. All of me is changing for the better. All thanks to God, in Jesus' Great Name.Wow. This is my first time typing this out and ohhhhh does it feel incredible. Wow. Connections!
© Anthony Dap III | Dream BIG & Co. LLC 2020-2030